Aug 202012
 

Want to know how much lube to use? How to tell if someone is gay? How to bring up conversation about having a threesome? Which strap on is right for you? How to have anal sex without pain? What is the best way to pick someone up for casual sex? How to spice up your sex life after decades of love?

I have been writing a sexuality & relationship Q and A column for Out Front Colorado (as well as other posts on sexuality in the community – click here to read all of my writing) and am always looking for anonymous questions, from folks all across the country, to answer as part of this column that is published every other week.

Have a question you’d like answered? Shoot me an email at ShannaKatz at gmail.com and I’ll make sure to answer it AND email you the link when I do. I will not name you or your actual location, and no question is too mild or wild. You can also comment with questions you’d like answered, tweet them to me @shanna_katz, or send them via carrier snail.

Looking forward to helping assuage your curiosity!

-Shanna

Aug 182012
 

Hey y’al!

Men’s Health Magazine has done a write up about my book, and while not every quote is exactly how I’d phase it, it’s pretty well written, and has some good pointers about approaching cunnilingus with your partner.

Click here to check it out!

Jul 122012
 

With my new book, Oral Sex That’ll Blow Her Mind, now available on Amazon.com (as well as Barnes and Noble, and hopefully your local retailer!), there is starting to be some exciting press for it.

Here’s a piece I gave some tips for on SheKnows.com: Four Tips for Enjoying Oral Sex

And my favorite Westword writer Jenn Wohletz did a fabulous piece on me, my thoughts, and of course, the book: Oral Sex Rockstar Shanna Katz

Add to that the previous piece from Out Front Colorado writer Holly Hatch: Local Sex Educator’s New Book Dives Into Women’s Pleasure

…and I’m quite the happy panda!

-Shanna

(note; if you or someone you know is interested in writing about the book, interviewing me, having me on a podcast, etc, please have them Contact Me. I’d be happy to chat you/them up!)

Jun 262012
 

Yes, folks, you read the title right! While you may have read erotic pieces I have written for anthologies, you have never read a full book written 100% by me.

Wait no longer! You can order my book Oral Sex That’ll Blow Her Mind: An Illustrated Guide to Giving Her Amazing Orgasms on Amazon RIGHT now for delivery in the next two weeks…AND, by popular request, there is even a KINDLE edition!

You can also contact your locally owned booked store or progressive sex toy store, and ask THEM to carry it, so that you can buy local.

If you ever come to any of my classes, talks, lectures, workshops, events, etc, feel free to bring the book along, and I’ll turn it into a signed copy pronto!

And with that in mind…go forth, and shop! You’ll also be able to purchase it at Barnes and Noble in the very near future, if you’d prefer that route.

*note-while it does use female pronouns for the receiver, this book welcomes trans folks to enjoy it as well. Additionally, the partner is purposely written with no pronouns, so as to be more accessible for everyone!”

May 042012
 

This month, my sexuality and relationship advice column made its debut in the wonderful local (to Colorado) LGBTQ paper Out Front Colorado. If you head on over to the digital edition, and click through to page 42 (I know, perfect, right? My advice must be the meaning of life), you can see what I had to say to a person whose girlfriend masturbates A LOT and to someone looking to start exploring his anal pleasure zones in the safest way possible.

Have a question you’d like to me (anonymously) answer? Leave a comment here, message me on Facebook, DM me on Twitter, or email me at ShannaKatz at Gmail dot com. Questions can be about anything sexual, relationship, dating, anatomy, sex toys; you name it!

-Shanna

Dec 022011
 

Question: I have been celebrate for almost three years, and am terrified to “get back out there.” Any tips on how to reverse or overcome my apparent phobia?

Answer: This can be a scary question to even ask, the I applaud you on putting yourself out there by showcasing self awareness of your nervousness.

It’s tough for EVERYONE to be out there, whether they have never dated, never had sexual partners, etc, whether they have taken some time off from being sexual, or whether they have a different partner every week. We all innately have a huge fear of rejection, whether from family, friends, potential partners, current partners, employers, etc. Being “out there,” what ever that looks like, can be really hard for any one.

Tip number 1: Be yourself. It’s very easy to try and mimic people in magazines, TV shows, fashion shows, head of cliques, etc. Sometimes it feels as though playing a role is easier than being ourselves, because if we do wind up feeling rejected, we can comfort ourselves with the idea that it was out facade that was rejected, not actually ourselves. However, being yourself is a) easier, because you’re not trying to be someone else and b) better, because if you do wind up finding someone you like, and they are interested back, you will KNOW that it is truly you they like, and not wonder if it is the role you’re playing.

Tip number 2: Don’t make too many goals. When we are so set on finding someone to kiss/fuck/date/marry/bring home to mom, we often psych ourselves out. Most couples will tell you that they found their ideal partner just when they had given up looking, or had taken a step back from aggressively searching. Why? Because it’s easier to just be you when you aren’t searching actively for someone, and because people will see a more relaxed you, rather than the trying to impress people you, which is usually what people prefer.

Tip number 3: Meet people in areas of YOUR interest. For some reason, it’s thought that meeting people in bars is a great idea. And it is possible that for some specific people, it is. If you frequently hang out in bars, that might be a good place to try. However, if like most people, you hang out more often in places that don’t have tall stools and booze, you should try to meet people in areas in which you feel comfortable. Like chess? Chat up that cutie at chess club. More of a runner? Ask that smarty pants to be your jogging buddy! Spend a lot of time volunteering at an animal shelter? See if your fellow volunteer would like to talk up the cute kitties and puppies after your shift. This way, you know you already have a shared interest that goes beyond getting wasted.

Tip number 4: Be gentle to yourself. Getting “back out there” can feel incredibly intense, and if you are super nervous about it, you may either go under board or overboard, over share or under share…and guess what? It’s all ok. Just take your time, relax, and congratulate yourself for even giving it a good try and getting back out there. No hurry on finding the one, whether it’s for one evening or for longer. Take a breath, take care of yourself.

Best of luck,

-Shanna

Have a question you want answered (anonymously)? Contact me and I’ll post the answer!

Nov 132011
 

Question: Does semen whiten your teeth?

Answer: As much as you may want to hear that swallowing in the course of a blow job will act like Crest Whitening Strips, I hate to break it to you; this is one of the many myths associated with sex, and semen specifically. And while we’re at it; nor does semen provide your daily nutritional needs in the protein department.

Feel free to choose whether to swallow or not; that is always and will always be up to you. Just remember the following:

a) Semen can contain STIs, so get you and your partner tested on a full STI panel before you make this decsion.

b) Swallowing does not make oral sex better or worse than letting them ejaculate elsewhere (chest, face, back, towel, shower, bed, themselves, etc). Do it if you like it, but know it doesn’t change the sensation.

c) Semen is not a good source of any vitamins, minerals, or nutrition. It will not make your hair shinier, whiten your teeth, make your skin smoother, etc. Those are all false statements, but ones that are bandied about quite often.

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

Have a question you want answered (anonymously)? Contact me and I’ll post the answer!

Oct 312011
 

I frequently speak on disability awareness, the intersection between disability and sexuality, and other such awesome topics. One big part of that when speaking to able bodied folks is talking about how to make their education and workshops that THEY provide more accessible overall.  Here are some quick tips to think about when writing/talking/presenting, whether around sexuality or anything else. Remember, it’s ok to mess up — I still do it sometimes. NO one is perfect, no one is an expert. This being said, take a moment to review the things you do and say, the language you use, and how you market your classes, and let’s work on recognizing able bodied privilege and working on reducing ableism in our communities.

Think about your language! Lots and lots of words and phrases in the English language come from an ableist perspective. Some are easy to call out; using retarded is not ok, period. Others have wormed their way in more sneakily — calling something lame is ableist, as is calling something (or someone) dumb. Idiot is also quite ableist, although not as obvious to most people. Another HUGE ableist word (and one I myself am still working on removing from my vocabulary, since it is so ingrained) is the use of the words crazy, insane, etc. Lots of people have issues that present mentally; who are we, lay people, to decide what sanity looks like? Saying someone is wearing a crazy outfit, or is insane because they are working to hard IS ableist, as prevalent as the language is in our culture.

Another way ableist language comes up as lot is in doing activities. Rather than say “everyone please stand” you can say things like “if everyone who can stand will please do so.” Instead of “please walk around the room” you can say “please move around the room.” Blanket statements like “everyone has two hands” might be less of an issue in small groups where you can see if people have two hands, but if you don’t know your audience, don’t make assumptions about what limbs people do or do not have.  Bethany Stevens, JD, is great at modeling access in her presentations introductions, and I’ve totally started doing it. Saying “can everyone who can see, see me ok?” and “can everyone who can hear, hear me ok?” is much more inclusive than “can everyone hear and see me ok?” I also make sure to let everyone know that I am open to requests for accommodations throughout the presentation and/or activities.

When you’re scheduling workshops, think about where they are at. If they are not physically accessible (either for wheelchair users, or anyone with a cane, crutches, or knee/hip/foot/ankle issues), you should probably put that on your flier/adverts. On that same note, if it IS accessible, put that on there — people love to know they are thought about and welcome. If it is somewhere in the middle, like there is a rear ramp somewhere, or you have burly folk willing to assist anyone who needs it, let people know that too. Even if you cannot find a perfectly accessible place (frequent in queer and kinky communities, or when working with non-profits who have to rely on donations of space), the fact that you are acknowledging accessibility is a huge step, and many PWD, myself included, can then make an informed decision about what attending will look like. Also, if you’re willing to provide an ASL interpreter, or describe the pictures/power point slides, make sure people know how to request those accommodations in advance, so that they don’t show up just crossing their fingers you have ASL savvy folks on staff.

People learn in different ways (Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences) and everyone processes at different speeds and in different ways. Regardless of who may or may not be in your audience, make sure to repeat your take home messages and important points more than once, and if possible, in more than one way. This will help EVERYONE “get” it better than if you just rattle off facts from your power point.

Know that some folks with disabilities comes with service dogs, or what I like to call service people. Sometimes, we need help getting in, getting settled, getting around, taking notes, making sure we understood what was said, having advocates, having people to carry our stuff, etc. Being respectful to us also means being respectful to our companions, whether of the furry or human variety. If someone mentions they’ll be attending with a service animal (or human), reserving a seat on the end of a row for the dog is generally appreciated. On the same note, if someone needs to see the ASL interpreter, or has vision issues and needs to be close to something to see it (and brings this up), making sure they get a spot close to the front shows consideration.

Having resources available in your area is awesome. Know who the sex positive doctors are; ones that aren’t going to flinch when someone says “how can I have sex safely, given that I have _____ or this condition?” Think about accessible spaces (accessible can mean lots of things; ADA, near public transit, affordable, etc) where people can get sex ed, and have their questions answered. Know who provides cognitive level appropriate sex education to folks with various developmental disabilities? Where can someone with disabilities (and/or their partner) find a local support group? Are their gynecologists near by who offer accessible exam tables to folks with mobility issues? This is just a start, but if you have answers to these questions, it’s a great place to get going.

These are just some very very very basic tips. I would love to hear other thoughts and suggestions on combating ableism in sex education (or education as a whole), as well as questions that other folks might have about providing inclusive settings. Let the discussion begin!

-Shanna

 

Oct 292011
 

Question: We’re a college age lesbian couple. We don’t have a ton of cash, so we can only buy one or two toys right now. What is the best sex toy for lesbians?

Answer: That looks like a question with an easy answer, but unfortunately, it is not. There is no one perfect sex toy…for anyone. That is regardless of gender, orientation, relationship status, etc. Here are some possible scenarios — maybe one will fit the two of you and you can find the perfect toy that way!

*Both of you really enjoy oral sex. Sounds like a great toy to invest in might be a tongue vibrator (if you like vibration), a good bottle of glycerin-free flavored lube (if you like flavored cunnilingus), or maybe nipple clamps if you want nipple simulation while your partner’s hands and mouth are busy elsewhere!

*You two want to try out some penetration action. I’d suggest buying a harness compatible dildo (so if you like it, you can always add a harness when your budget allows). Now you need to decide if you like realistic dildos like the Vixen Bandit, or something more whimsical like the Tantus Echo. Neither floats your boat? How about the Bandito from Fun Factory!

*Anal really gets your engines going! Start with anal beads like Flexi Felix, or a beautiful glass butt plug from Crystal Delights. Just don’t forget to add lube!

*Just getting started exploring each other? Sometimes just a simple vibrator like the USB rechargeable Mia or the Layaspot clitoral vibe can be a great way to try to find each other’s erogenous zones and what turns you on.

*Nothing appealing? Maybe the best sex toy for you is an erotic books, like Best Lesbian Erotica — your brain will always be your best sex toy!

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

Have a question you want answered (anonymously)? Contact me and I’ll post the answer!

Sep 152011
 

One of my favorite things to do is speak on college and university campus about sexuality. Whether it is a talk about safer sex, communication, anatomy, intersections of identities, inclusivity, kink 101, or a class on sexual activity, college students are some of my favorite learners to have in front of me.

However, sometimes it can be difficult for college students to figure out how to bring a sex educator to campus. Between working with various groups, communicating with the sex educator, and promotions/advertising, it can sometimes seem overwhelming for the one or two students, or even student groups looking to bring someone to speak.

Luckily, one of my awesome interns has put together an easy guide chock full of tips on how to bring a sex educator (such as myself) to your campus.  As always, you can contact me if you’re interested in working together!

-Shanna

One of the things I get asked the most as a sex-educator-in-training and student organizer is,“how can we get someone like that to come to our school?” Luckily,I’ve done my share of organizing before (and have made enough mistakes!) and I can give you some general steps to getting that super awesome sex educator to your campus!

Start early (and ensure you get good seating)

When it comes to creating an event on campus,I’d say,the number one beginner’s mistake is not starting early enough. Unlike private events,or even organizational ones,university bureaucracy has a glacial pace – which will be worse if you are a state school,as you will have to jump through even more hoops in order to work with state regulations. Starting early ensures you will get the most help from your administration,and it also puts you in the best possible position for funding,which (at least at my school) is pretty freed up the first week of the semester and gobbled up not long after.

But we can’t limit this to just funding. You can be in an awesome position funding-wise,and it will not mean anything if you don’t have a good space to work with. The good meeting spaces tend to be reserved early,and you don’t want to get yourself stuck in that awkward classroom on the edge of campus just because that was the only place open. Having a central location will also help with passive advertising. What does that mean? An example:at my university,we had a couple of sex educators come to the student union,which gets tons of traffic that has nothing to do with specific events. People were able to see the posters about upcoming events,to be sure,but what captured a lot of attention was all the people lining up outside,and the groups tabling outside the event’s room. Because of this,we were able to attract a lot of people who were just wandering by.

Click here to read the entire page on bringing a sex educator to your campus….