Answer:

There is no one size fits all answer to this question, because “boring” definitely depends on who you ask. For some, it could mean that sexual activity is frequent, but always the same. For others, it might mean sexual activity [...]]]>

This post, Q and A: Spicing up a “Boring” Relationship, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on November 28, 2011.

Answer: As much as you may want to hear that swallowing in the course of a blow job will act like Crest Whitening Strips, I hate to break it to you; this is one of the many myths associated with sex, and semen specifically. And while we’re at [...]]]> Question: Does semen whiten your teeth?

Answer: As much as you may want to hear that swallowing in the course of a blow job will act like Crest Whitening Strips, I hate to break it to you; this is one of the many myths associated with sex, and semen specifically. And while we’re at it; nor does semen provide your daily nutritional needs in the protein department.

Feel free to choose whether to swallow or not; that is always and will always be up to you. Just remember the following:

a) Semen can contain STIs, so get you and your partner tested on a full STI panel before you make this decsion.

b) Swallowing does not make oral sex better or worse than letting them ejaculate elsewhere (chest, face, back, towel, shower, bed, themselves, etc). Do it if you like it, but know it doesn’t change the sensation.

c) Semen is not a good source of any vitamins, minerals, or nutrition. It will not make your hair shinier, whiten your teeth, make your skin smoother, etc. Those are all false statements, but ones that are bandied about quite often.

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

Have a question you want answered (anonymously)? Contact me and I’ll post the answer!

This post, Q and A: Does Semen Whiten Your Teeth?, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on November 13, 2011.

or their sister site, PassionateU.com?

They are amazing education sites for folks around the world to get accessible and affordable education around sexuality. Kink Academy is more focused on kinky fun, while Passionate U talks about sexuality from a more mainstream light, but both are incredible. They [...]]]> Have you heard of Kink Academy

or their sister site, PassionateU.com?

They are amazing education sites for folks around the world to get accessible and affordable education around sexuality. Kink Academy is more focused on kinky fun, while Passionate U talks about sexuality from a more mainstream light, but both are incredible. They feature clips from educators around the world, teaching their sexuality classes to you, regardless of whether you’re near by a hopping dungeon or rocking sex positive space. Wanna learn how to throw a single tail? Done. Wanna get some blow job basic? Done. Interested in gender 101 or the intersection of sex and disability? That is there too! Over a hundred educators (myself included) are excited to help you explore the spectrum that is sexuality.

Why am I pumping this up? Well, first of all, they are an awesome set of sites, and I’m happy to promote them. And second of all, I’m giving a FREE month of membership away to one of these two sites (winner’s choice) at the end of this contest.

How do you enter?

Must be 18 plus. Comment before by September 20th, 2011 (with a valid email please, so I can get ahold of the winner) with why YOU think it is important to have accessible sex education. It can be a sentence, a paragraph, a poem, a picture, but tell us why sex education is important to you, your community, etc.  Winner will get ONE MONTH FREE on their choice of either PassionateU or Kink Academy.

Time to try and win!

-Shanna

This post, Kink Academy and Passionate U Contest!, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on September 6, 2011.

However, Vivianne (provided for me by Fascinations) has never been alone.  She has her little sis, Val (short for Valerie) purchased for me by a dedicate reader/fan of mine:

And now, the two have been joined by a third, soon to be revealed purple [...]]]> Everyone (or almost everyone) knows my vulva puppet Vivianne:

However, Vivianne (provided for me by Fascinations) has never been alone.  She has her little sis, Val (short for Valerie) purchased for me by a dedicate reader/fan of mine:

And now, the two have been joined by a third, soon to be revealed purple and lavender vulva puppet. However, my new vulva puppet is sadly without a name! How horribly sad is that? So, I ask you, my fearless followers, to help me name my newest vulva puppet.  My favorite five names will make it into a run off contest (with links to your blog or twitter pages if you’d like), and the ultimate winner will get a little mini prize pack from me (I’m not telling what’s it in, but if you know me, you know it’ll be fun).

It’s easy to enter – just comment on this post with your suggestion (s) for the name for this new member of my vulva family by August 26th. Please make sure I have a way to contact you in case you make it into the final round. Please be creative, but not offensive (any vulva-negative suggestions will be deleted), as I love my vulva puppets and take them everywhere with me!

Alright; let the creative juices flow! (pun totally intended)

-Shanna

This post, Vulva Puppet Naming Contest, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on August 16, 2011.

Colorado Youth Matter (an awesome non-profit advocating for evidence based sex education inclusion in schools) is creating (through a partnership with Advocates for Youth) a Youth Advocacy Council. Now, they’re looking for people ages 15-22, so whether you fall in that range, or know a passionate person who does, and [...]]]> Hey folks of Colorado -

Colorado Youth Matter (an awesome non-profit advocating for evidence based sex education inclusion in schools) is creating (through a partnership with Advocates for Youth) a Youth Advocacy Council. Now, they’re looking for people ages 15-22, so whether you fall in that range, or know a passionate person who does, and if you or they have a passion for inclusive sex education, now is the time to apply! You’ll get a stipend, plus a trip to a national AFY meeting, the opportunity to work on creating change, and much more. The info is below. Ready, set,…..check it out!

Shanna

Colorado Youth Matter in partnership with Advocates for Youth is searching for passionate youth and young adult activists from across Colorado to be part of a brand new Youth Advocacy Council!

The Colorado Youth Advocacy Council will be composed of 10 dynamic young people (ages 15-22) from around the state who will work together to advocate for comprehensive and inclusive sex education programs and policies in Colorado. Council members will take a grassroots approach to mobilizing communities around comprehensive sex education, social and reproductive justice, and other related policy issues by engaging communities to create opportunities that empower youth and their families to make healthy and informed decisions regarding their reproductive and sexual health.

Please pass this information and application on to all youth and young adults who you believe would be great activists to promote sexual and reproductive health. Feel free to pass this information along to others as well, as they may know someone who would be best for the job!

Click here to download an application or contact Joey at jtorres@coloradoyouthmatter.org with any questions. The deadline to apply is August 1, but applications are being accepted on a rolling basis.

Thank you,

Joey Torres
Youth Advocacy Coordinator
Colorado Youth Matter

This post, Colorado Youth Matter Searches to Fill Youth Advocacy Council, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on July 22, 2011.

The oft-repeated mantra amongst sex educators is that sexuality is a spectrum. People can identify as gay, [...]]]> This week, my fabulous intern Katie Davis talks about the identity of asexuality, which is often left out of conversations regarding sexuality. She brings up some great points, as well as resources for those interested in learning more!

The oft-repeated mantra amongst sex educators is that sexuality is a spectrum.
People can identify as gay, straight, and everything in between, including bisexual, queer,
and questioning.” In the classes I’ve taught, this has been my mantra, my way of
explaining the rich diversity of human experience.

But recently, after stumbling across Asexuality.org, the homepage of the Asexual
Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), I came to realize that this framework is not
nearly as inclusive as it needs to be. AVEN, which was founded in 2001, focuses on
fostering a sense of community amongst asexual people and creating acceptance and
discussion of asexuality in the public sphere. In addition to acting as the central hub for
asexuality-related research, news coverage, and personal accounts, AVEN also offers
discussion forums, a newsletter, and an online store stocked with t-shirts
reading “Asexy” and “Asexuality: It’s not just for amoebas anymore!”

Although, as with anything else, AVEN members possess a variety of different
opinions and experiences, the feeling of being socially silenced appears to be widely
shared across the asexual community. The site’s FAQ section, for example, addresses
some of the difficulties of “living in a society where everyone is assumed to be sexual
and where the media, especially soaps and advertising, portray everyone as sexual and
constantly tempted by sex.” In his personal blog, Love From the Asexual Underground,
AVEN founder David Jay writes eloquently about the daily challenges of translating
sexual language into something true to his identity and experiences. For Jay and other
asexual-identified people, my sexuality spectrum is hardly a liberating identificatory
framework, as it leaves off an entire negative region.

It’s an important criticism, one that’s forced me to radically reconsider how I
should understand and teach sexuality. For sex educators/activists who are forced to
confront the myriad ways in which sexuality is stifled and policed, it may be tempting
to portray things like desire, attraction, and libido as universal experiences. In a country
that still frequently treats sex education as a non-necessity, many of us find ourselves
almost shouting about the importance of sexuality in all aspects of society. I certainly
know that in my own teaching efforts, I’ve attempted to combat societal shaming by
characterizing sexuality as a normal, even key component of the human condition. And,
of course, for many people it is. However, as long as there are people who identify
as asexual–– and, according to AVEN, the numbers of people taking on said title are
steadily growing–– we have to be vigilante about assuming sexuality in our students.

How can we teach about sexuality in a way that is also inclusive of asexuality?
How can we better educate ourselves about asexuality and the diversity of asexual
experiences? And how can we assist the asexual community in its continued struggle for
visibility and acceptance? These are not easy questions, but they’re absolutely topics that
sex educators and all other folks dedicated to sexual (or asexual, for that matter) equality
need to begin to address.

For more information about asexuality, go to AVEN’s website or check out David
Jay’s Love From the Asexual Underground.

This post, Including Asexuality, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on July 15, 2011.

One of the major maxims repeated to me over the course of my trainings [...]]]> This is another piece written by Intern Katie Davis about some of the lessons she has learned in her experience of becoming a sex educator. It follows along with Lessons Learned from A Sex Educator: Part 1, as published last week.

One of the major maxims repeated to me over the course of my trainings to
become a sex educator went something along the lines of “Expect that your students will
have a diversity of opinions on sensitive topics. Be sure not to alienate any of them.”
Now, that’s pretty sound advice: as I’ve already mentioned in my previous post, one
surefire way of alienating students is to ignore the variety of ways in which their thoughts
and experiences differ from one’s own. If I went into a classroom with the expectation
that students shared my perspective of the world, I’d be doing considerable damage to the
safety of the space and to my class’s potential for learning.

But there are times when showing sensitivity to a diversity of opinions isn’t
easy, when the line between mindfulness and moral relativism isn’t clearly drawn.
The sex education courses I teach cover (though not nearly comprehensively enough)
LGBTQ issues/identities. When we reach this segment of the curriculum, invariably
at least one of the students balks. Common negative responses to our LGBTQI unit
(which emphasizes anti-bullying as well as differences between gender identity, sex, and
sexuality) include:

“That’s nasty!”
“I go to church, and my church says that gay people are just plain wrong.”
“I don’t care if someone’s gay, just don’t go around flaunting it.”
“I’d never say something bad to a gay guy if he was just doing his own thing,
but if he comes up and tries to talk to me or something, I’m going to punch him.
Because he probably wanted to hit on me.”

These are moments when I’m forced to pause and consider how to answer
in a way that doesn’t shut down the conversation but also doesn’t give a free pass to
prejudice. The right of LGBTQI folks (myself included!) to live happy, complete,
governmentally-recognized lives free of harassment, fear, and discrimination is not up for
debate in my mind. Yet, it seems that if I ever want to make progress with students who
know only homophobia, I must patiently engage in that debate. This brings me to lesson

#3.  There is such a thing as productive discomfort.

I’ve met some educators who believe that, on supposed “matters of opinion,”
it’s wrong to question one’s students. I’m not of that mind. I think that, as a teacher/
facilitator/mentor, my job is to challenge my students to understand the origins of their
opinions and to constantly re-examine their belief systems through the lens of new
information and experiences. I tend to answer homophobic remarks, for example, with
more questions:

“Why is this kind of sexual activity nasty to you? Do you think the fact that you
find something nasty means that other people shouldn’t be able to enjoy it if they want to?”
“Different religions have all kinds of different opinions on homosexuality,
bisexuality, etc. There are some churches that claim that homosexuality is
wrong, while there are others that have gay and lesbian leaders. If someone who
identified as a member of the LGBTQI community attended your church, how do
you think they would feel? Do you think they’d be welcomed in?”
“What does it mean to flaunt one’s sexuality? Like going to prom with one’s
partner of choice? Like dancing at that prom? Would you say that heterosexual
people flaunt their sexuality? What’s the difference between ‘flaunting’
and ‘expressing’?”
“Do you think that every gay man who talks to other men is actually trying to
make a move? Are you trying to make a move on every girl you speak to?”

I don’t know that any of these answers are the right ones, but they’ve at least
allowed the conversation to continue. But encouraging students to think critically should
never mean silencing them. If I get the feeling that my student isn’t responding well to
my questions, I need to back off and move on to something new. Because:

3. Sometimes making progress means making concessions.

I never want a student to feel attacked, either by myself or by others. I’ve had
male students vocally oppose abortion, only to be swiftly and angrily silenced by their
female peers. In those moments, it is my job to step in, to validate my student’s right to
an opinion. “You’re not alone in feeling that way. In fact, the media tends to send us
tons of messages that support what you were just saying. Why do you think some of your
classmates might disagree with you?”

It’s a difficult and often deeply frustrating process, remaining true to one’s values
while leaving room in the classroom for the expression of others. But, at the end of
the day, when I doubt myself and feel as though nothing I said was effective, I have to
remember that my goal is not to win a debate. In fact, winning the debate, when it means
compromising the safety of the space, isn’t a win at all. Rather:

4. My goal is just to plant the seed of an idea.

And nothing, ideas included, grows without time, nourishment, and an open
environment.

This post, Lessons Learned from A Sex Educator: Part 2, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on July 8, 2011.

-Shanna

I spent the past year volunteering as a sex educator in the public school system near my college, facilitating discussions on topics ranging from anatomy and physiology to contraception to healthy [...]]]> This post is from one of my fabulous sexuality summer interns, Katie Davis, about some of her experiences learned as a sexuality educator.

-Shanna

I spent the past year volunteering as a sex educator in the public school system
near my college, facilitating discussions on topics ranging from anatomy and physiology
to contraception to healthy communication. One day, while beginning a class on
fertilization with a group of middle school young women, a student raised her hand and
asked my co-facilitators and myself: “Do any of you have kids?”

The question made me pause. At 20, I was one of the older facilitators in our
group of four, but it hardly felt like the sort of question usually directed at me. The
thought of having children had only vaguely entered my consciousness as something I
might one day sort of maybe kind of want to do if I felt emotionally and financially ready
to do so. Furthermore, I’ve always looked young for my age–– it wasn’t until I cut my
hair off last year that I stopped being offered the kids’ menu at restaurants. So the
thought that someone might perceive me as a parent made my head spin.

I apparently wasn’t the only one who was surprised by the question. My co-
facilitators and I looked around at each other for a moment before one began to laugh.
She then replied to the student “No, none of us are parents! None of us are even 21 yet!”
The class stared back at us silently.

And like that we had lost them. We would eventually regain their trust and
respect, but it would take a while, and the rest of that fifty minute period was a wash,
with the students more or less ignoring us. We taught in a district with high teen
pregnancy rates: hence the administration’s desire to run an intensive sex ed workshop
for female students. Likely a significant portion of the young women in our classroom
that day had friends or close relatives who were teen mothers. And instead of responding
in a way that acknowledged their experiences, we made our students feel insulted,
ignored, and misunderstood.

I’m still traveling down the sex education path, and I still sometimes say the
wrong thing, but I’m learning. Above all, I’ve learned the importance of mindfulness, of
self-awareness. Recognizing my own positionality–– as a wealthy, white, cis-gender,
able-bodied queer woman–– has been awkward at times, but it’s undoubtedly made me a
better educator as well as a better student, partner, friend, etc. That’s why the #1 most
important lesson for educators is, for me:

1. Know the limits of your own knowledge.

It would be pretty amazing if everyone adhered to this rule, but it’s one that is
particularly important for educators/mentors to follow. Certainly, when a student asks
me a question to which I don’t know the answer off the top of my head, I’m honest about
my ignorance and I offer a well-researched answer the next time we meet. But it’s much
harder for me to recognize and accept that there are answers I will never know, answers
that are inaccessible to me. The very term “teen pregnancy,” for example, will likely

mean something radically different from what it means for a student whose older sister
dropped out of high school to raise a child. Knowing the limits of my knowledge means
recognizing that I will never fully grasp that latter, personal meaning. I simply don’t
have the same background, life experiences, etc. The best I can do is to challenge and
encourage my students to think critically and define the world for themselves. Which
brings me to lesson #2:

2. People are experts of their own experiences.

Learning is not strictly an in-class activity, and there is no possible way for me to
know what kind of education my students receive in their day to day lives. Great
educators know better than to challenge their students’ experiences of the world.
Rather, they provide students with a new lens through which to examine and understand
experience. Slowly, I am learning to do just this.

This post, Lessons Learned From A Sex Educator, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on July 1, 2011.