Ok. So hopefully, we’re all over the hype of 50 Shades of WTF. Yes, it is a fictional book written at a 9th grade reading level based on fan fiction of Twilight that does not represent an accurate, well consented kink relationship. It is not a book I personally would ever suggest to someone to “try out” their feelings on kink.
However, what is has done is engaged hundred of thousands, millions even, of folks who never knew they were kinky. Stay at home soccer parents, aging adults reading this book instead of knitting on trains, younger folks wanting *something* more from sex, but not sure what, have now found something that makes their bits tingle in a whole new way. It made it OK to have conversations around being turned on by bondage, power exchange, etc. Heck, even Target carried the 50 Shades of Grey line of kink-ish merch in their stores. It was acceptable, more than ever before, to be interested in kink, and to talk about it. Moreover, we’ve had more conversations about consent (in kinky AND vanilla aka non-kinky relationships alike) than I have ever engaged in through my life. This is good. And now what?
Here is a list of places (books, educators, videos, etc.) where you might want to direct your newly kinky or at least exploring friends, clients, selves, etc. I hope it helps people engage in this world of kink, BDSM, fetishes, etc., in a way that is fun, communicative and consensual. And perhaps well written.
Erotica (other naughty books to enjoy):
The Sleeping Beauty Series by Anne Rice
Best Bondage Erotica 2015 edited by Rachel Krammer Bussel
Bound for Trouble: BDSM Erotica for Women edited by Alison Tyler
Best Lesbian Bondage Erotica edited by Tristan Taormino
(side note: any erotica anthology edited by the above folks is bound to be delightful. BOUND. See what I did there?)
How to Books to Check Out:
SM 101 by Jay Wiseman
The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino
As Kinky as You Wanna Be by Shanna Germain (disclaimer: I have a short essay on communication in this book)
Playing Well with Others by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams
Wild Side Sex: the Book of Kink by Midori
Your Pleasure Map by Shanna Katz (not all about kink but has a section on it…and also a section on health communication and consent – disclaimer: this is by me)
Shibari You Can Use by Lee Harrington
Websites with How-To-Videos:
KinkAcademy.com (disclaimer: I have videos on this site)
NewToKink.com (disclaimer: I have videos on this site)
Educators to Check Out (other than me, obviously!):
(not exhaustive…also, a lot of kink educators only do in person workshops and do not have websites, so check out FetLife.com, which is a social media site for kinky folks to find kink educational events near you)
Need New Kinky/Sexy Toys: Body Friendly Toy and Lube Companies
Places to Buy Kinky/Sexy Toys: Feminist/Sex Positive Toy Stores