Aug 162010
 

We spend so much time talking about communication, and how important it is. I can’t even count how many times I’ve said “communication is key” to classes I’m teaching, or couples that I’m counseling. And it’s true; without good communication, it’s hard for any relationship (whether long term or short term, sexual or platonic, etc) to flourish. And we do talk about communication all the time; how it can be non-verbal, different ways to communicate, HOW to do it, etc.

However, we give a lot of lip service to what communication is, so why not talk a little bit about what it isn’t. We have all (myself included) been guilty of many of these at some point in our lives.

Communication isn’t giving someone the silent treatment.

Communication isn’t saying “if they loved me, they’d _____.”

Communication isn’t assuming that they know what you want.

Communication isn’t playing hard to get.

Communication isn’t being passive aggressive.

Communication isn’t dropping hints, and then being frustrated when they aren’t picked up.

Communication isn’t using YOU statements.

Communication isn’t just going along because you don’t want to bring it up.

Communication isn’t changing who you are to be with someone.

Communication isn’t just shutting up to avoid arguing.

Communication isn’t talking behind someone’s back.

Communication isn’t playing games with someone.

So stop for a minute and think. What else ISN’T communication that we tend to try anyways? Which of these have you done lately, and how can you change that act into more healthy communication?

-Shanna