Aug 202012
 

Want to know how much lube to use? How to tell if someone is gay? How to bring up conversation about having a threesome? Which strap on is right for you? How to have anal sex without pain? What is the best way to pick someone up for casual sex? How to spice up your sex life after decades of love?

I have been writing a sexuality & relationship Q and A column for Out Front Colorado (as well as other posts on sexuality in the community – click here to read all of my writing) and am always looking for anonymous questions, from folks all across the country, to answer as part of this column that is published every other week.

Have a question you’d like answered? Shoot me an email at ShannaKatz at gmail.com and I’ll make sure to answer it AND email you the link when I do. I will not name you or your actual location, and no question is too mild or wild. You can also comment with questions you’d like answered, tweet them to me @shanna_katz, or send them via carrier snail.

Looking forward to helping assuage your curiosity!

-Shanna

Nov 282011
 

Question: What are some fun ways to spice up a boring relationship?

Answer:

There is no one size fits all answer to this question, because “boring” definitely depends on who you ask. For some, it could mean that sexual activity is frequent, but always the same. For others, it might mean sexual activity isn’t a frequent as it used to be. For yet others, it might not have anything to do with the sex — perhaps everything seems to be “meh” — no exciting date nights, or doing the same thing every evening.

First thing to do; figure out what it is that you think is boring. Then, in a super NICE and CARING way, bring it up to your partner.

Good Example: “I love spending time with you having adventures, and feel like we haven’t gotten to have many lately — is there anything you’ve been ding to do or places to explore? Let’s create an adventure this weekend!”

Not as good example: “We never do anything fun any more!”

Good example: “It’s awesome that we get to have sexy times so often…I was thinking maybe we could watch this DVD/read this book/try out _____ to add some new exciting variations, since I love having sex with/fucking you!”

Not as good example: “We have sex a lot, but it’s boring/same old thing night after night.”

You hopefully like/love your partner, so it’s good to do your best to not hurt their feelings, and to let them know what you DO like about being them, and what you would like to have more of, because you enjoy it. You have to do some work too — get some ideas going for what you want to do. Check out your local paper/websites to get ideas for free and/or cheap things to do in your neighborhood. If you’re trying to have more adventures in your sex life, try out some books or adult DVDs to get suggestions. If you’re wanting to be sexual more often, it is probably worth re-defining your idea of sex; it doesn’t always have to be oral, or intercourse, or _____. Thinking about adding in some hot make out sessions, some fun role play, or even erotic massages. There are lots of ways to be sexually active with each other; they don’t always have to involve penetration, or even genitals or orgasms. Having fun together sexually can be just as awesome as having traditional sex.

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

Have a question you want answered (anonymously)? Contact me and I’ll post the answer!

Nov 162011
 

Question: When do you deem it too young to have sex?

Answer: This is a hard question, no matter who you ask.

First of all, legally, it depends completely on where you live. Some states, if you have sex before you are 18, even if your partner is also under 18, it is still illegal depending on the age difference. If you are young (ie, under 18), make sure you know your state’s laws before you make ANY choices, so you know what could possibly happen if you or your partner’s parents are not ok with what is going on. Keep in mind that purchasing sex toys that are billed as sex toys (versus back massagers from the Sharper Image) is also reserved for those 18 and older.

If you’re talking about physically too young, anything prior to puberty is WAY too young. Period. Bodies are not designed to be sexually active with each other before puberty.  That being said, physically ready is far less important than being emotionally and mentally ready. As far as emotionally and mentally maturity, it varies A LOT from person to person. I have met sexually active 15 year olds that can talk to me about having gotten STI tests, being on birth control and using a barrier method, discussing the “What Ifs: with their partner, etc. To me, they understand more of the pros and cons of having sex than some 30 year olds I’ve met who do not think at all about the consequences of being sexually active. I’ve met more the my fair share of adults who are not emotionally or mentally mature enough to be having sex (in my opinion).

Basically, what I am trying to say is there is no cut and dry way to know if you are ready for sex or not, but if YOU are pondering if you are too young for it, that sounds to me like maybe you are. No one ever got hurt from waiting a little bit longer to be sexually active, regardless if they were 14, 18, 36 or 82. Take a little bit longer to figure out if what you are planning on is the right fit for both you and your partner, and then you can look at your decision again in a little bit.

Sorry I don’t have some magical answer, but like most things sexually associated, there just is not one perfect answer to questions.

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

Have a question you want answered (anonymously)? Contact me and I’ll post the answer!

Nov 132011
 

Question: Does semen whiten your teeth?

Answer: As much as you may want to hear that swallowing in the course of a blow job will act like Crest Whitening Strips, I hate to break it to you; this is one of the many myths associated with sex, and semen specifically. And while we’re at it; nor does semen provide your daily nutritional needs in the protein department.

Feel free to choose whether to swallow or not; that is always and will always be up to you. Just remember the following:

a) Semen can contain STIs, so get you and your partner tested on a full STI panel before you make this decsion.

b) Swallowing does not make oral sex better or worse than letting them ejaculate elsewhere (chest, face, back, towel, shower, bed, themselves, etc). Do it if you like it, but know it doesn’t change the sensation.

c) Semen is not a good source of any vitamins, minerals, or nutrition. It will not make your hair shinier, whiten your teeth, make your skin smoother, etc. Those are all false statements, but ones that are bandied about quite often.

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

Have a question you want answered (anonymously)? Contact me and I’ll post the answer!