Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator http://shannakatz.com Savvy sex ed for passionate people Sun, 05 Feb 2012 08:15:16 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Q and A: How to Get Back Out There http://shannakatz.com/2011/12/02/q-and-a-how-to-get-back-out-there/ http://shannakatz.com/2011/12/02/q-and-a-how-to-get-back-out-there/#comments Fri, 02 Dec 2011 16:10:59 +0000 Shanna Katz http://shannakatz.com/?p=1510 Question: I have been celebrate for almost three years, and am terrified to “get back out there.” Any tips on how to reverse or overcome my apparent phobia?

Answer: This can be a scary question to even ask, the I applaud you on putting yourself out there by showcasing self awareness of your [...]]]>

Question: I have been celebrate for almost three years, and am terrified to “get back out there.” Any tips on how to reverse or overcome my apparent phobia?

Answer: This can be a scary question to even ask, the I applaud you on putting yourself out there by showcasing self awareness of your nervousness.

It’s tough for EVERYONE to be out there, whether they have never dated, never had sexual partners, etc, whether they have taken some time off from being sexual, or whether they have a different partner every week. We all innately have a huge fear of rejection, whether from family, friends, potential partners, current partners, employers, etc. Being “out there,” what ever that looks like, can be really hard for any one.

Tip number 1: Be yourself. It’s very easy to try and mimic people in magazines, TV shows, fashion shows, head of cliques, etc. Sometimes it feels as though playing a role is easier than being ourselves, because if we do wind up feeling rejected, we can comfort ourselves with the idea that it was out facade that was rejected, not actually ourselves. However, being yourself is a) easier, because you’re not trying to be someone else and b) better, because if you do wind up finding someone you like, and they are interested back, you will KNOW that it is truly you they like, and not wonder if it is the role you’re playing.

Tip number 2: Don’t make too many goals. When we are so set on finding someone to kiss/fuck/date/marry/bring home to mom, we often psych ourselves out. Most couples will tell you that they found their ideal partner just when they had given up looking, or had taken a step back from aggressively searching. Why? Because it’s easier to just be you when you aren’t searching actively for someone, and because people will see a more relaxed you, rather than the trying to impress people you, which is usually what people prefer.

Tip number 3: Meet people in areas of YOUR interest. For some reason, it’s thought that meeting people in bars is a great idea. And it is possible that for some specific people, it is. If you frequently hang out in bars, that might be a good place to try. However, if like most people, you hang out more often in places that don’t have tall stools and booze, you should try to meet people in areas in which you feel comfortable. Like chess? Chat up that cutie at chess club. More of a runner? Ask that smarty pants to be your jogging buddy! Spend a lot of time volunteering at an animal shelter? See if your fellow volunteer would like to talk up the cute kitties and puppies after your shift. This way, you know you already have a shared interest that goes beyond getting wasted.

Tip number 4: Be gentle to yourself. Getting “back out there” can feel incredibly intense, and if you are super nervous about it, you may either go under board or overboard, over share or under share…and guess what? It’s all ok. Just take your time, relax, and congratulate yourself for even giving it a good try and getting back out there. No hurry on finding the one, whether it’s for one evening or for longer. Take a breath, take care of yourself.

Best of luck,

-Shanna

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This post, Q and A: How to Get Back Out There, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on December 2, 2011.

]]> http://shannakatz.com/2011/12/02/q-and-a-how-to-get-back-out-there/feed/ 0 Book Review: Becoming Sage http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/30/book-review-becoming-sage/ http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/30/book-review-becoming-sage/#comments Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:59:20 +0000 Shanna Katz http://shannakatz.com/?p=1506

This is my review of Kasi Alexander‘s book Becoming Sage, the first in her Keyhole series. This series is interesting — it is published by a more traditional romance novel company, but also contains more erotica than an average romance novel, and covers BDSM and polyamory; two topics VERY rarely discussed in romance novels. [...]]]> Becoming Sage by Kasi Alexander

This is my review of Kasi Alexander‘s book Becoming Sage, the first in her Keyhole series. This series is interesting — it is published by a more traditional romance novel company, but also contains more erotica than an average romance novel, and covers BDSM and polyamory; two topics VERY rarely discussed in romance novels. Kasi is one member of a kinky, poly triad that just so happens to reside here in Colorado, and I’ve been meaning to get to this review forever, to support both a local author, as well as a member of my community.

I have to say, when I finally got around to reading the book, I just picked it up to read in bed until I fell asleep. I kind of romance-noveled myself out in High School – my two friends and I would buy them at used book stores, read them, exchange them, discuss them, etc. By the time I hit college and grad school, I was much more into pure erotic (ie; just the sexy times) than I was romance novels. My concern was reading through this whole book, and thought I was going to have to take a chapter at a time. Boy, was I wrong; I powered through the whole book in one sitting.

To be honest, the first thing that really grabbed me, as a educator of kink and poly communities, was the attention to both detail, and to safety. I cannot discuss how much it annoys me to read stranger erotic (or romance, for that matter) and not have any discussion of safer sex, consent, etc. Kasi makes sure that SSC (safe, sane and consensual) is covered, as well as discussions about becoming fluid bound, not using the same toys on non-fluid bound people, negotiation, etc.  While that may not be everyone’s cup of tea, this was the hook that got me; a sexy and romantic story that also covered the realism of communication and safer sex. Moreover, it was built into the story, rather than added in later as an after thought.

M/s relationships don’t really get me going, but I could see how this writing could certainly lend itself to one handed reading for those who are attracted to male dominant, female submissive relationships, and Kasi does a great job of discussing the feminist and potentially sexists aspects of them. I do wish that when they were out and about, they had chatted up, or at least seen more female dominant, male submissive, or male/male or female/female relationships, because I do feel as though the stereotype of both the kink and poly communities is a male dominated relationship, when actually, at least in the community here in Colorado (which is what the Keyhole series is based on), there are about 50/50 for male dominants and female dominants.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed the discussion between the two slaves, and the fact that their Sir messed up sometimes. I will say, that as a reader (and this drives me over the edge within the community and on FetLife as well), that the lower case spelling of sunni and sage made it VERY hard for me to read. Having been a proofreader, I kept wanting to take a pen and make three little lines under the s’s. That being said, I get that this is  popular affection within the community, and my grammar fetish will do nothing to change it.

Whether you are within the community already, or looking to explore, this is a fabulous book to learn about the dynamics in this type of M/s relationship, as well as learn about negotiation, safewords, etc. Being part of the Denver community, and having met Kasi and her Sir and their third partner, I can definitely see many autobiographical elements in the Becoming Sage book, and felt as though I recognized pieces of the Keyhole club, of Mistress Tonya’s pain processing class, etc, which I really liked. That being said, you don’t need to have played in the Colorado kink community to understand what Kasi is describing, and again, I think this is a great step in the right direction for helping BDSM gain some positive visibility in the more mainstream world…in this case, the world of romance. I eagerly look forward to the publication of the second book in the series, Saving Sunni, to come out this spring!

Click here to buy Becoming Sage from the Publisher, and click here to check out Kasi Alexander’s website and blog.

Enjoy!

-Shanna

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This post, Book Review: Becoming Sage, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on November 30, 2011.

]]> http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/30/book-review-becoming-sage/feed/ 1 Q and A: Spicing up a “Boring” Relationship http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/28/q-and-a-spicing-up-a-boring-relationship/ http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/28/q-and-a-spicing-up-a-boring-relationship/#comments Mon, 28 Nov 2011 22:03:48 +0000 Shanna Katz http://shannakatz.com/?p=1502 Question: What are some fun ways to spice up a boring relationship?

Answer:

There is no one size fits all answer to this question, because “boring” definitely depends on who you ask. For some, it could mean that sexual activity is frequent, but always the same. For others, it might mean sexual activity [...]]]>

Question: What are some fun ways to spice up a boring relationship?

Answer:

There is no one size fits all answer to this question, because “boring” definitely depends on who you ask. For some, it could mean that sexual activity is frequent, but always the same. For others, it might mean sexual activity isn’t a frequent as it used to be. For yet others, it might not have anything to do with the sex — perhaps everything seems to be “meh” — no exciting date nights, or doing the same thing every evening.

First thing to do; figure out what it is that you think is boring. Then, in a super NICE and CARING way, bring it up to your partner.

Good Example: “I love spending time with you having adventures, and feel like we haven’t gotten to have many lately — is there anything you’ve been ding to do or places to explore? Let’s create an adventure this weekend!”

Not as good example: “We never do anything fun any more!”

Good example: “It’s awesome that we get to have sexy times so often…I was thinking maybe we could watch this DVD/read this book/try out _____ to add some new exciting variations, since I love having sex with/fucking you!”

Not as good example: “We have sex a lot, but it’s boring/same old thing night after night.”

You hopefully like/love your partner, so it’s good to do your best to not hurt their feelings, and to let them know what you DO like about being them, and what you would like to have more of, because you enjoy it. You have to do some work too — get some ideas going for what you want to do. Check out your local paper/websites to get ideas for free and/or cheap things to do in your neighborhood. If you’re trying to have more adventures in your sex life, try out some books or adult DVDs to get suggestions. If you’re wanting to be sexual more often, it is probably worth re-defining your idea of sex; it doesn’t always have to be oral, or intercourse, or _____. Thinking about adding in some hot make out sessions, some fun role play, or even erotic massages. There are lots of ways to be sexually active with each other; they don’t always have to involve penetration, or even genitals or orgasms. Having fun together sexually can be just as awesome as having traditional sex.

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

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This post, Q and A: Spicing up a “Boring” Relationship, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on November 28, 2011.

]]> http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/28/q-and-a-spicing-up-a-boring-relationship/feed/ 0 Q and A: How Young Is Too Young For Sex? http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/16/q-and-a-how-young-is-too-young-for-sex/ http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/16/q-and-a-how-young-is-too-young-for-sex/#comments Wed, 16 Nov 2011 15:34:43 +0000 Shanna Katz http://shannakatz.com/?p=1498 Question: When do you deem it too young to have sex?

Answer: This is a hard question, no matter who you ask.

First of all, legally, it depends completely on where you live. Some states, if you have sex before you are 18, even if your partner is also under 18, it is [...]]]>

Question: When do you deem it too young to have sex?

Answer: This is a hard question, no matter who you ask.

First of all, legally, it depends completely on where you live. Some states, if you have sex before you are 18, even if your partner is also under 18, it is still illegal depending on the age difference. If you are young (ie, under 18), make sure you know your state’s laws before you make ANY choices, so you know what could possibly happen if you or your partner’s parents are not ok with what is going on. Keep in mind that purchasing sex toys that are billed as sex toys (versus back massagers from the Sharper Image) is also reserved for those 18 and older.

If you’re talking about physically too young, anything prior to puberty is WAY too young. Period. Bodies are not designed to be sexually active with each other before puberty.  That being said, physically ready is far less important than being emotionally and mentally ready. As far as emotionally and mentally maturity, it varies A LOT from person to person. I have met sexually active 15 year olds that can talk to me about having gotten STI tests, being on birth control and using a barrier method, discussing the “What Ifs: with their partner, etc. To me, they understand more of the pros and cons of having sex than some 30 year olds I’ve met who do not think at all about the consequences of being sexually active. I’ve met more the my fair share of adults who are not emotionally or mentally mature enough to be having sex (in my opinion).

Basically, what I am trying to say is there is no cut and dry way to know if you are ready for sex or not, but if YOU are pondering if you are too young for it, that sounds to me like maybe you are. No one ever got hurt from waiting a little bit longer to be sexually active, regardless if they were 14, 18, 36 or 82. Take a little bit longer to figure out if what you are planning on is the right fit for both you and your partner, and then you can look at your decision again in a little bit.

Sorry I don’t have some magical answer, but like most things sexually associated, there just is not one perfect answer to questions.

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

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This post, Q and A: How Young Is Too Young For Sex?, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on November 16, 2011.

]]> http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/16/q-and-a-how-young-is-too-young-for-sex/feed/ 0 Nominated for Denver Westword #WebAwards http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/15/nominated-for-denver-westword-webawards/ http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/15/nominated-for-denver-westword-webawards/#comments Tue, 15 Nov 2011 17:24:16 +0000 Shanna Katz http://shannakatz.com/?p=1495 Fabulous news!

I’ve been nominated for Denver Westword’s #WebAwards 2011 as one of the best sex bloggers. Check out the official link: http://blogs.westword.com/latestword/2011/11/2011-denver-web-awards-finalists.php?page=2

Now, my old sex blog has one quite a few awards, but I never really counted this as a sex blog. Unlike most people who are identified as “sex bloggers,” this blog [...]]]> Fabulous news!

I’ve been nominated for Denver Westword’s #WebAwards 2011 as one of the best sex bloggers. Check out the official link: http://blogs.westword.com/latestword/2011/11/2011-denver-web-awards-finalists.php?page=2

Now, my old sex blog has one quite a few awards, but I never really counted this as a sex blog. Unlike most people who are identified as “sex bloggers,” this blog doesn’t see me writing about *my* sex life; rather, I write about sexuality, sex education, identities, and more, as well as answer sex questions that I am asked. I kind of view it more as a sexuality blog than an actual sex blog. Ergo, it’s nice to be recognized as a sex blogger, because even though I don’t share all of the exciting sordid details of my sex life, the writing I do is still sexuality centric.

I’m happy to be in a category with three of my friends. Mistress Saskia is an amazing bastion of the Denver Kink community, and Evey Bird and the Red Headed Slut are both close friends of mine. Congrats to them as well for getting the nominations. Note; These sites are 18+ and are Not Safe for Most Working Environments.

Tomorrow, Wednesday the 16th is the official #WebAwards party at Cassleman’s in Denver. Here’s to hoping I win!

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This post, Nominated for Denver Westword #WebAwards, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on November 15, 2011.

]]> http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/15/nominated-for-denver-westword-webawards/feed/ 0 Did I mention, I’m Wedded!?! http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/14/did-i-mention-im-wedded/ http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/14/did-i-mention-im-wedded/#comments Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:15:14 +0000 Shanna Katz http://shannakatz.com/?p=1484 For those of you who have been asking why I haven’t had as many blog posts up this fall as I usually do, I let you know that there were some deaths in my partner’s family, as well as our wedding. Lots of you have been asking for some wedding porn, so here are a [...]]]> For those of you who have been asking why I haven’t had as many blog posts up this fall as I usually do, I let you know that there were some deaths in my partner’s family, as well as our wedding. Lots of you have been asking for some wedding porn, so here are a few pictures to whet your queer celebration of LOVE appetite. All photos by Jesse Hernandez of www.JesseHernandezPhotos.com. He’s an awesome Denver based LGBTQ photographer. Enjoy!



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This post, Did I mention, I’m Wedded!?!, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on November 14, 2011.

]]> http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/14/did-i-mention-im-wedded/feed/ 2 Q and A: Does Semen Whiten Your Teeth? http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/13/q-and-a-does-semen-whiten-your-teeth/ http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/13/q-and-a-does-semen-whiten-your-teeth/#comments Sun, 13 Nov 2011 23:07:35 +0000 Shanna Katz http://shannakatz.com/?p=1481 Question: Does semen whiten your teeth?

Answer: As much as you may want to hear that swallowing in the course of a blow job will act like Crest Whitening Strips, I hate to break it to you; this is one of the many myths associated with sex, and semen specifically. And while we’re at [...]]]> Question: Does semen whiten your teeth?

Answer: As much as you may want to hear that swallowing in the course of a blow job will act like Crest Whitening Strips, I hate to break it to you; this is one of the many myths associated with sex, and semen specifically. And while we’re at it; nor does semen provide your daily nutritional needs in the protein department.

Feel free to choose whether to swallow or not; that is always and will always be up to you. Just remember the following:

a) Semen can contain STIs, so get you and your partner tested on a full STI panel before you make this decsion.

b) Swallowing does not make oral sex better or worse than letting them ejaculate elsewhere (chest, face, back, towel, shower, bed, themselves, etc). Do it if you like it, but know it doesn’t change the sensation.

c) Semen is not a good source of any vitamins, minerals, or nutrition. It will not make your hair shinier, whiten your teeth, make your skin smoother, etc. Those are all false statements, but ones that are bandied about quite often.

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

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This post, Q and A: Does Semen Whiten Your Teeth?, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on November 13, 2011.

]]> http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/13/q-and-a-does-semen-whiten-your-teeth/feed/ 0 Looking for an LGBTQ/Kink/Poly Friendly Provider? http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/02/looking-for-an-lgbtqkinkpoly-friendly-provider/ http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/02/looking-for-an-lgbtqkinkpoly-friendly-provider/#comments Wed, 02 Nov 2011 14:30:58 +0000 Shanna Katz http://shannakatz.com/?p=1471 Working with both communities like the LGBTQ community, the kink community, the poly community, and more, as well as working with medical professionals (who usually want to be open and inclusive to the aforementioned communities), I’m realizing more and more how difficult it can be to find a medical provider (doctor, therapist, specialist, counselor, OB-GYN, [...]]]> Working with both communities like the LGBTQ community, the kink community, the poly community, and more, as well as working with medical professionals (who usually want to be open and inclusive to the aforementioned communities), I’m realizing more and more how difficult it can be to find a medical provider (doctor, therapist, specialist, counselor, OB-GYN, etc) that you KNOW is going to be receptive to your identities.

Luckily, here are a few tips to help you out!

First of all, if you are part of the LGBTQ community, the first place I’d suggest looking is the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association’s website. They have a fancy schmancy special section called “Find a Provider.” You can search based on where you are, as well as the type of professional you’re looking for. Of course, there are no guarantees, as medical professionals self report to be part of the directory, by becoming members. That being said, if a doctor or therapist pays money to become part of such an association, in order to have their name listed on their directory, there is a much higher likelihood that they are in fact open and accepting of the community, if not truly knowledgeable about the LGBTQ spectrum. Now, not all doctors even know about this. I KNOW my doctor is an LGBTQ/Ally rockstar based on having seen her for years, and she isn’t listed. However, it’s a place to start.

Another place to look is the website of your local LGBT Center, Gender identity center or GLBTQ Chamber of Commerce — they often have local businesses and resources listed. My awesome aforementioned doctor, while not on the GLMA site, IS on the Gender Identity Center of Colorado’s list of suggested doctors.

If you are kinky and/or polyamorous, head on over to the National Coalition for Sex Freedom‘s list of Kink Aware Professionals. These are folks (again, doctors, therapists, counselors) who actively identify as being inclusive of and friendly towards kinky people, poly people and sexually adventurous people.

The best way though? Ask around your community. Some LGBTQ, poly and/or kink communities have resource lists for their local area on medical professionals that other members of the community have stated to be inclusive. Check out groups on FetLife or Facebook, and ask for references. Looks at who is advertising in local LGBTQ publications, kink conferences (or on FetLife), etc. Again, if people are willing to put themselves out there in the community, there is a pretty good chance that they are open to seeing patients from that community.

I have great recommendations for dentists, GPs, physical therapists, knee surgeons, massage therapists and therapists/counselors in Denver, if anyone happens to need one. Still looking for a rocking, queer friendly neurologist…if anyone happens to know of one!

-Shanna

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This post, Looking for an LGBTQ/Kink/Poly Friendly Provider?, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on November 2, 2011.

]]> http://shannakatz.com/2011/11/02/looking-for-an-lgbtqkinkpoly-friendly-provider/feed/ 0 Making Presentations Less Ableist http://shannakatz.com/2011/10/31/making-presentations-less-ableist/ http://shannakatz.com/2011/10/31/making-presentations-less-ableist/#comments Mon, 31 Oct 2011 14:37:48 +0000 Shanna Katz http://shannakatz.com/?p=1466 I frequently speak on disability awareness, the intersection between disability and sexuality, and other such awesome topics. One big part of that when speaking to able bodied folks is talking about how to make their education and workshops that THEY provide more accessible overall.  Here are some quick tips to think about when writing/talking/presenting, whether [...]]]> I frequently speak on disability awareness, the intersection between disability and sexuality, and other such awesome topics. One big part of that when speaking to able bodied folks is talking about how to make their education and workshops that THEY provide more accessible overall.  Here are some quick tips to think about when writing/talking/presenting, whether around sexuality or anything else. Remember, it’s ok to mess up — I still do it sometimes. NO one is perfect, no one is an expert. This being said, take a moment to review the things you do and say, the language you use, and how you market your classes, and let’s work on recognizing able bodied privilege and working on reducing ableism in our communities.

Think about your language! Lots and lots of words and phrases in the English language come from an ableist perspective. Some are easy to call out; using retarded is not ok, period. Others have wormed their way in more sneakily — calling something lame is ableist, as is calling something (or someone) dumb. Idiot is also quite ableist, although not as obvious to most people. Another HUGE ableist word (and one I myself am still working on removing from my vocabulary, since it is so ingrained) is the use of the words crazy, insane, etc. Lots of people have issues that present mentally; who are we, lay people, to decide what sanity looks like? Saying someone is wearing a crazy outfit, or is insane because they are working to hard IS ableist, as prevalent as the language is in our culture.

Another way ableist language comes up as lot is in doing activities. Rather than say “everyone please stand” you can say things like “if everyone who can stand will please do so.” Instead of “please walk around the room” you can say “please move around the room.” Blanket statements like “everyone has two hands” might be less of an issue in small groups where you can see if people have two hands, but if you don’t know your audience, don’t make assumptions about what limbs people do or do not have.  Bethany Stevens, JD, is great at modeling access in her presentations introductions, and I’ve totally started doing it. Saying “can everyone who can see, see me ok?” and “can everyone who can hear, hear me ok?” is much more inclusive than “can everyone hear and see me ok?” I also make sure to let everyone know that I am open to requests for accommodations throughout the presentation and/or activities.

When you’re scheduling workshops, think about where they are at. If they are not physically accessible (either for wheelchair users, or anyone with a cane, crutches, or knee/hip/foot/ankle issues), you should probably put that on your flier/adverts. On that same note, if it IS accessible, put that on there — people love to know they are thought about and welcome. If it is somewhere in the middle, like there is a rear ramp somewhere, or you have burly folk willing to assist anyone who needs it, let people know that too. Even if you cannot find a perfectly accessible place (frequent in queer and kinky communities, or when working with non-profits who have to rely on donations of space), the fact that you are acknowledging accessibility is a huge step, and many PWD, myself included, can then make an informed decision about what attending will look like. Also, if you’re willing to provide an ASL interpreter, or describe the pictures/power point slides, make sure people know how to request those accommodations in advance, so that they don’t show up just crossing their fingers you have ASL savvy folks on staff.

People learn in different ways (Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences) and everyone processes at different speeds and in different ways. Regardless of who may or may not be in your audience, make sure to repeat your take home messages and important points more than once, and if possible, in more than one way. This will help EVERYONE “get” it better than if you just rattle off facts from your power point.

Know that some folks with disabilities comes with service dogs, or what I like to call service people. Sometimes, we need help getting in, getting settled, getting around, taking notes, making sure we understood what was said, having advocates, having people to carry our stuff, etc. Being respectful to us also means being respectful to our companions, whether of the furry or human variety. If someone mentions they’ll be attending with a service animal (or human), reserving a seat on the end of a row for the dog is generally appreciated. On the same note, if someone needs to see the ASL interpreter, or has vision issues and needs to be close to something to see it (and brings this up), making sure they get a spot close to the front shows consideration.

Having resources available in your area is awesome. Know who the sex positive doctors are; ones that aren’t going to flinch when someone says “how can I have sex safely, given that I have _____ or this condition?” Think about accessible spaces (accessible can mean lots of things; ADA, near public transit, affordable, etc) where people can get sex ed, and have their questions answered. Know who provides cognitive level appropriate sex education to folks with various developmental disabilities? Where can someone with disabilities (and/or their partner) find a local support group? Are their gynecologists near by who offer accessible exam tables to folks with mobility issues? This is just a start, but if you have answers to these questions, it’s a great place to get going.

These are just some very very very basic tips. I would love to hear other thoughts and suggestions on combating ableism in sex education (or education as a whole), as well as questions that other folks might have about providing inclusive settings. Let the discussion begin!

-Shanna

 

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This post, Making Presentations Less Ableist, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on October 31, 2011.

]]> http://shannakatz.com/2011/10/31/making-presentations-less-ableist/feed/ 2 Q and A: What is the Best Sex Toy for Lesbians? http://shannakatz.com/2011/10/29/q-and-a-what-is-the-best-sex-toy-for-lesbians/ http://shannakatz.com/2011/10/29/q-and-a-what-is-the-best-sex-toy-for-lesbians/#comments Sat, 29 Oct 2011 14:02:34 +0000 Shanna Katz http://shannakatz.com/?p=1468 Question: We’re a college age lesbian couple. We don’t have a ton of cash, so we can only buy one or two toys right now. What is the best sex toy for lesbians?

Answer: That looks like a question with an easy answer, but unfortunately, it is not. There is no one perfect sex toy…for [...]]]> Question: We’re a college age lesbian couple. We don’t have a ton of cash, so we can only buy one or two toys right now. What is the best sex toy for lesbians?

Answer: That looks like a question with an easy answer, but unfortunately, it is not. There is no one perfect sex toy…for anyone. That is regardless of gender, orientation, relationship status, etc. Here are some possible scenarios — maybe one will fit the two of you and you can find the perfect toy that way!

*Both of you really enjoy oral sex. Sounds like a great toy to invest in might be a tongue vibrator (if you like vibration), a good bottle of glycerin-free flavored lube (if you like flavored cunnilingus), or maybe nipple clamps if you want nipple simulation while your partner’s hands and mouth are busy elsewhere!

*You two want to try out some penetration action. I’d suggest buying a harness compatible dildo (so if you like it, you can always add a harness when your budget allows). Now you need to decide if you like realistic dildos like the Vixen Goodfella, or something more whimsical like the Tantus Echo. Neither floats your boat? How about the Bandito from Fun Factory!

*Anal really gets your engines going! Start with anal beads like Flexi Felix, or a beautiful glass butt plug from Crystal Delights. Just don’t forget to add lube!

*Just getting started exploring each other? Sometimes just a simple vibrator like the USB rechargeable Mia or the Layaspot clitoral vibe can be a great way to try to find each other’s erogenous zones and what turns you on.

*Nothing appealing? Maybe the best sex toy for you is an erotic books, like Best Lesbian Erotica — your brain will always be your best sex toy!

Hope this helps,

-Shanna

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This post, Q and A: What is the Best Sex Toy for Lesbians?, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on October 29, 2011.

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