Feb 062011
 

Question:

I’m a pretty strict vegan, but also all about the sexy times. I’ve heard horror stories about companies saying lubes are vegan, and then retracting their statements when questioned. What lubes are ACTUALLY vegan?

Answer:

Great question. First of all, check out Furry Girl’s list lubes on her all vegan sex toy site The Sensual Vegan. Basically, Yes is vegan, ALL Sliquid lubes (including some of their delicious flavors – look for the Swirl line) are Vegan, Hathor Lubes are vegan, Blossom Organics are vegan. Good Clean Love once claimed to be vegan, but now states that are are not vegan, only “mostly” vegan.  There are also vegan condoms and vegan dams available, so know that you can protect yourself and your partner(s), and still remain true to your vegan lifestyle!

-Shanna

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Jan 172011
 

Question:

My husband and I want to start exploring anal sex. I know that you have to start slow, use fingers first and all of that, but what is a good beginners anal toy to get me started?

Answer:

First of all, before you bring sex toys into the picture, make sure you add lube. It can be either silicone base lubricant or water based lubricant (unless you’re using silicone toys, then just use water based lube), but your butt does NOT naturally lubricate in any way, shape or form, so you need some lube to help it feel better, go in easier, and to help prevent any pain or tearing. My favorite anal lube to suggest is water based and is called Maximus.

As far as toys, my number one anal toy I love recommending to people is the Flexi Felix from Fun Factory, a 100% silicone set of anal beads. You can start small with just one tiny one, and work your way up. Great first timer dildos are the Silk set from Tantus; they come in small, medium and large. Then of course, if you want to go with a butt plug, I like the Tantus B-Bomb or the Crystal Delights Butt Plug, but these are a little more intermediate than anal beads or small, smooth dildos.

Good luck, have fun, and remember; anal sex isn’t supposed to hurt, so if it does begin to feel uncomfortable, STOP!

-Shanna

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Dec 222010
 

Question:

Is it normal for a guy to bleed during a blow job?

Answer:

For the most part, no. Can it happen? Certainly. Skin on the penis (and definitely on the scrotum covering the testicles) is pretty hardy, but can get nicked by teeth, braces, etc. If it happens once and is just a little blood, make sure to clean it, move onto a different activity, let it heal, and be careful with sharp objects in the future. However, if it continues to happen, or is accompanied by sores, bleeding from the urethra (the “pee-hole”), pain, etc — go to the doctor. Of course, if it is severe bleeding that you cannot stop, it’s time to hop over the ER and have it checked out right away.

If you or your partner did in fact nick it with teeth, nails, etc, it’s ok. Sex mishaps happen all the time. Clean up, hug a little, and definitely laugh about it.

Hope that helps,

-Shanna

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Dec 032010
 

Question:

Why do guys like to cum (ejaculate) on their partners?

Answer:

Great question. Well, first of all, not all guys like to ejaculate on their partners. Some prefer to do it inside their partner, and/or inside a condom. Others prefer to do it in a towel/rag (some people call it a cum towel or cum cloth). Yet others like to ejaculate on themselves. It all depends on the guy you’re talking about.

In mainstream porn, the “cum shot” (the guy ejaculating on the woman’s chest/face/etc) has become extremely popular, and therefore has become popular in our culture. However, ejaculating on someone else’s face/chest/butt doesn’t change the ejaculation sensation. Ergo, if someone wants to be ejaculated on, then great; they should let their partner know that this activity turns them on and that they’d like to have that done. However, if someone does not in fact want this to happen, they should also explain to their partner that they are not into this activity, and would prefer for them to ejaculate else where.

This conversation should definitely be had before sexual play starts, so that there is no confusion at the moment of ejaculation as to where the penis should be pointing.

Hope that helps,

-Shanna

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Nov 282010
 

This person had THREE questions, so I’m going to be answering them all together.

Question 1: Do all men and women masturbate?

Answer 1: Great question…and well, how would we even begin to figure out if all people masturbate? What if you masturbate once a year — does that count as actively masturbating? Or what if you do it every single day, but never even touch your genitals (some people can masturbate this way) — does that count as being someone who masturbates?

People are so unique and different that it’s incredibly hard to answer this one. Do MOST people, of all sexes and genders, try masturbation at SOME point in there life? DEFINITELY — almost everyone has experimented with masturbation.  But as far as who masturbates and how often? We cannot make big generic statements about that. Lots and lots of people masturbate; men, women, and people with other gender identities as well…some do it daily, others weekly, some do it when they’re stressed, others never masturbate when stressed. It’s constantly changing!

Question 2: How do you know when a woman has an orgasm?

Answer 2: You ask her. I mean, really, that’s how you can tell. Different women experience orgasm differently…sometimes the same woman will have different orgasms due to different types of stimulation — there is no way to REALLY just know. Now, usually moaning is good, there is often (but not always) a redder tint on their face/breasts called a sex flush, but these are also general signs of arousal. Sometimes someone will say “I’m coming” or “oh god oh god oh god” or “holy guacamole” and then suddenly be more still and quiet. Other people will want more stimulation post orgasm, so you can’t tell. Just ask. You don’t have to say “did you come/” but things like “how was that for you?” or “do you want me to keep going?” let you know if your partner wants some more/some different action.

Question 3: Can you get someone pregnant from pre-cum?

Answer 3: I get asked this all the time. Yes. Pre-cum, or pre-ejaculate, can sometimes contain sperm…this means playing “just the tip” or using the withdrawl method is not a sure shooting way to practice birth control/contraception. However, the biggest concern I have with the sharing of body fluids like pre-cum doesn’t have anything to do with sperm. Pre-ejaculate also can contain STIs (sexually transmitted infections) and you can give it to (or get it from) your partner.  An estimate 75% or so of sexually active people in the US have at least one STI — and most of them don’t even know it.  So your best bet to keeping both yourself and your partner safer from transmission is to put the condom on before the penis goes in the mouth, vagina or anus!

-Shanna

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Nov 222010
 

Question: I am in a long distance relationship and my girlfriend wants to sleep with other people with no emotional attachment. Is it more likely than not that if we tried this, our relationship would tank?

Answer: I’m not going to put a probability on it. Why? Because I don’t know how well you communicate, how your relationship is right now, how long you’ve been long distance, or how you personally feel about consensual non-monogamy. All of these are factors that can and will contribute to how well this will work out.

Step one: Get a copy of Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. You can click the link to buy it, but lots and lots of libraries have it to check out, or one of your friends may have it to borrow. Make sure both of you read it, especially the parts about “is non-monogamy right for you” and the sections about jealousy. Not everyone is suited for non-monogamy, and even those that are may not be ready for it now, or know how to make it fit with their current partner.

Once you’ve read this, think about how it makes you feel when your girlfriend talks about this. Happy that she’s getting more physical needs met? Sad that you can’t do it for her? Angry that she’d consider this? Jealous that she wants to do it? There are tons and tons of emotions that center around non-monogamy; there are no right are wrong ones, but you need to recognize that they are there. Also, look online. Lots of bloggers write about polyamory/non-monogamy — there is even a Poly Podcast. Check out these resources, and continue to talk and communicate with your girlfriend.

You may decide to have her give it a try, and realize it doesn’t work. Then you communicate again, and go from there. You may decide not to try it…but you still need to communicate with your partner. Non-monogamy or monogamy will not break you up or keep you together, but lack of communication most certainly will.

-Shanna

Nov 192010
 

This person had THREE questions, so I’ll answer them all together in one post.

Question 1: Is a man’s prostate equivlent to a woman’s clitoris or G-spot during sexual arousal?

Answer 1: It is much more similar to the G-spot (or Grafenberg spot) than it is to the clitoris. The clitoris is the same tissue as the head/tip of the penis (the clitoral hood is similar to the penile foreskin).  While the G-spot and prostate (some people call it the P-spot) are not similar tissue, the deep, internal, full body orgasms that they can help to create are much more similar than those more intense, genital centric external orgasm driven by clitoral or penile stimulation.

Question 2: Is sex better with a circumcised person or an uncircumcised person?

Answer 2: It depends on the person. Sex can be different, and in general, there is a big push against male infant circumcision right now, as some studies have show that it can remove pleasurable areas for the penis possesser. However, as far as whether a person is better at sex? It has nothing to do with circumcision, but more on knowledge, their listening ability and practice.

Question 3: What amount of protein does cum have?

Answer 3: The average amount of ejaculation has lots of different nutrients in it; similar to what composes the human body. It contains approximately 150 MG of semen…so just a trace amount that will not actually affect your daily protein intake. I’ve definitely heard people say things like “just swallow — that way you can get like 30 grams of protein” — it’s total bull. Swallow if you want to, but please don’t do so solely for the purpose of ingesting protein!

Shanna

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Nov 162010
 

Question:

Is it normal that I don’t have multiple orgasms? I’ve read about a million times that I should be able to have all these orgasms. But the truth is, if I have one, the likelihood that I’ll have another one in the next 24 hour period is pretty much zero, and chances are, I probably won’t have another one for several days, no matter what I do. It doesn’t matter if it’s sex, masturbation or whatever. Its like I have one, and then I’m done for at least a day, maybe several. Is this normal?

Answer:

The likelihood that there is anything physically wrong is very, very slim. Not everyone can have multiple orgasms. Period. Just like not everyone can ejaculate. Lots of people can, and many of those people haven’t figured out the mutliple orgasm thing, or ejaculation thing yet, but it’s also important to note that NOT EVERYONE can do these things. By telling people that everyone can, we set people up to be disappointed in themselves, and even be concerned. Vulvas and vaginas are so unique and different, and like different things, so they enjoy pleasure in different ways. Not having multiple orgasms doesn’t mean that ANYTHING is wrong with you.

It’s possible that you might be able to have different types of orgasms through different stimulation (clitoral vs vaginal vs anal vs g-spot vs breasts, etc), but even if not, as long as you are enjoy the orgasm that you ARE having, then you’re golden. Sex is about pleasure and enjoyment, and if you’re having fun and feeling pleasure, then that is what is right for you.

Of course, stronger kegel/PC muscles can increase orgasm intensity, and the possibility of multiple orgasms, but never a guarantee — if you’re interested in experimenting, grab a set of kegel balls to work out your pelvic floor muscles. Sometimes bringing in a switch hitter like your favorite vibe can help help. However, it is 100% normal NOT to have multiple orgasms, and as long as you’re enjoying your sex life in general, you’re good to go.

-Shanna

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