Luckily, here are a few tips to help you out!

First of all, if you are part of the LGBTQ community, the first place I’d suggest looking is the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association’s website. They have a fancy schmancy special section called “Find a Provider.” You can search based on where you are, as well as the type of professional you’re looking for. Of course, there are no guarantees, as medical professionals self report to be part of the directory, by becoming members. That being said, if a doctor or therapist pays money to become part of such an association, in order to have their name listed on their directory, there is a much higher likelihood that they are in fact open and accepting of the community, if not truly knowledgeable about the LGBTQ spectrum. Now, not all doctors even know about this. I KNOW my doctor is an LGBTQ/Ally rockstar based on having seen her for years, and she isn’t listed. However, it’s a place to start.

Another place to look is the website of your local LGBT Center, Gender identity center or GLBTQ Chamber of Commerce — they often have local businesses and resources listed. My awesome aforementioned doctor, while not on the GLMA site, IS on the Gender Identity Center of Colorado’s list of suggested doctors.

If you are kinky and/or polyamorous, head on over to the National Coalition for Sex Freedom‘s list of Kink Aware Professionals. These are folks (again, doctors, therapists, counselors) who actively identify as being inclusive of and friendly towards kinky people, poly people and sexually adventurous people.

The best way though? Ask around your community. Some LGBTQ, poly and/or kink communities have resource lists for their local area on medical professionals that other members of the community have stated to be inclusive. Check out groups on FetLife or Facebook, and ask for references. Looks at who is advertising in local LGBTQ publications, kink conferences (or on FetLife), etc. Again, if people are willing to put themselves out there in the community, there is a pretty good chance that they are open to seeing patients from that community.

I have great recommendations for dentists, GPs, physical therapists, knee surgeons, massage therapists and therapists/counselors in Denver, if anyone happens to need one. Still looking for a rocking, queer friendly neurologist…if anyone happens to know of one!

-Shanna

This post, Looking for an LGBTQ/Kink/Poly Friendly Provider?, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on November 2, 2011.

Before the month is completely up, I wanted to let you all know about the fabulous City Girl, and her awesome partnership with Fun Factory (one of my favorite sex toy companies) to give YOU (her and my fabulous readers) 20% off Fun Factory, body safe, sex positive toys AND at the same time, Fun Factory is going to donate 20% to Pink Jams, and awesome organization working with breast cancer awareness in folks under 40 (like the fabulous City Girl!).

How do you make this awesome offer happen? Head over to http://www.funfactoryusa.com/ and enter the code Citygirl (with a capital C) to get 20% AND get 20% given to Pink Jams by Fun Factory. Sorry I’m so late on this, so make sure you hop aboard this awesome deal ASAP by the end of October.

For more info, check out City Girl’s awesome press release!

-Shanna

This post, Late in the game Fun Factory Discount, Breast Cancer Fundraiser, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on October 28, 2011.

Why is this such an issue? Well, let’s start.

*Many trans folks have not had a legal name change (some states have VERY stringent requirements involving hormones, surgery, doctor’s letters, etc) based on their circumstances, whether it is a transition thing, a medical thing, a family/rights thing, a money/cost thing, etc. Requiring them to use their legal name rather than their real name is forcing them to out themselves. This can be dangerous.

*Adult stars and sex workers usually don’t use their legal names for a myriad of reasons. Requiring them to do so not only outs them, but puts them in danger from stalkers, being outed to their family, etc, not to mention legal repercussions if it is sex work that can be prosecuted (and keep in mind, not all sex work is illegal).

*Women often use different names online to keep themselves and families safe. Perhaps they’ve gotten out of an abusive relationship, or perhaps they have a more unique name, and don’t ant every asshole on a social network googling their home address.

*Lots of sex educators work under other names.  I did when I started out. Why? Because even now, my partner and I worry about people showing up on my door step. I get harassing phone calls sometimes. Luckily, most of my family is supportive, but not everyone has that privilege. Many great sexuality educators work under not their legal name; Midori, Ayden Fire, Sir Top and slave bonnie, Madison Young, etc. There are many others, but I don’t want to out them as not using their legal names.

*Most sex bloggers (and bloggers in general) blog under other names. Why? Safety; not just the physical danger issue, but losing their jobs, custody of their kids, their partners, and more. Has this happened when they’ve been outed? Absolutely.

*Many people just don’t go by their legal names. If your name is Katherine and you go by Katie, could Google+ delete you? Possibly. What about if you go by your middle name instead of your first name? Or you use your partner’s last name, but haven’t legally changed it?

The list goes on and on and on. Folks with disabilities. Celebrities (local, national and international). Whistleblowers. Authors. Gamers. There are so many incredible reasons someone would choose not to use their LEGAL name on a social media site, or on the internet in general, so how dare we force them to do so, at risk of losing their gmail and other google centric accounts if google deems their name not real?  Luckily, a group is creating a site with real people sharing their stories about why they choose not to use their legal name (you can use any name you want to post on the site), and they are looking for submissions. If you’re a person who would be affected by using your legal name online, or part of a group for whom you can speak, they’d love to hear from you. Their info is below.

Thank you for your help and understand on this issue, and sharing it with others so that they can understand why in fact this is a pretty big deal,

Shanna

From http://my.nameis.me/make-a-statement/:

Make a statement

We’re looking for more people to write for us about why they support the freedom to choose your own name online.

While we appreciate that thousands upon thousands of people worldwide feel strongly about this issue, the most valuable statements come from those who are famous or prominent in their fields, or those who can speak on behalf of populations who need to choose their own names.

So, we’re particularly looking for individuals like:

• Performance artists (musicians, actors, etc), especially those who use stage names
• Authors, journalists and other writers, especially those who use pen names
• Politicians and prominent political activists
• Sex educators and sex workers
• Religious leaders
• … and any other notable or famous person who supports people’s freedom to choose their own name online.

Or people who represent organisations like:

• Domestic violence support groups
• LGBT advocacy groups
• Civil rights groups
• Groups working with children at risk
• Disability advocacy groups
• … and any other organization working with people who commonly want the freedom to choose their own name online

If you fit the above descriptions, or can introduce us to someone who does, please get in touch with us!

This post, Not Having To Use Your Real Name, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on August 4, 2011.

When I was in graduate school, I remember reading the story about Baby X, who grew into Child X, who grew into Teenage X, who ended up as Adult X, a very happy person who did what they wanted to do, regardless of what gender society usually assigned that activity to…all because they had been raised without a sex and gender placed on them by their parents. This was written in the 70s, showing that this is not a new concept. I have no plans to have children, but when I read that story, I could help but want to try and raise any offspring in such a manner. It seemed like such a healthy, accepting way.

It’s interesting to see what the psychologists have to say about these parents raising Baby Storm without telling others its sex. One was adamantly against it, saying that they were setting up the baby for a hard life, while the other was willing to wait to see all the wrong things that might happen from this situation. Honestly, it was a little gross to me to read their “expert opinions” because years ago, similar experts were giving similar opinions about letting girls play with trucks and boys play with dolls, and about letting your kid identify as gay, etc. Funny how expert opinions so often tend to capitulate to social norms. As long as you and your family are supportive of allowing your children to figure out their genders and presentations for themselves, and as long as you are willing to support them if they wind up deciding to be hyper masculine or hyper feminine (rather than a more blended mix, or something completely unique), then I see no issue.

These parents, instead of form fitting their children to the limits society wants to place upon them, are making society have to adapt. And honestly, I think that is great. If we all always capitulated to what society said, we’d be even farther behind in women’s rights, sex worker’s right, people of color’s rights, trans folk’s rights, queer rights, etc. If none of us ever challenged the status quo, I wouldn’t be allowed to vote, I wouldn’t be allowed to have a Master’s degree, I wouldn’t be allowed to walked down the street holding hands with my queer partners, and I’d be making even less to the dollar than I already am. So hats off and glasses raised to these parents, willing to take a stance for the diversity of gender, rather than biologically assigned sex.

This post, An Ungendered Child, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on May 23, 2011.

Basically, taking the concept that we all have limited resources, and have to decide how to best use them in our life, can be related to anything. In regards to disability, it is truly a great way to get friends and partners of people with disabilities to understand some of the difficulties that PWD may go through in life.

When I teach at a Kink conference, I often have to choose between attending all the workshops and skipping the play parties, or attending a few workshops, napping and then hitting a play party or two, because I just don’t have the spoons (or physical/emotional resources) to do it all. Often, people don’t get it, and view me as snobby or lazy because I don’t “make the most” of the kink conference, but I know that if I don’t practice this self care, I’ll spend the next day or two doped up on percocet and unable to do anything. Putting it within the spoon context often helps people to “get” what I’m talking about.

Here is the beginning of the spoon theory story:

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

Click here to read the rest of spoon theory.

-Shanna

This post, Spoon Theory in Relation to Disability, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on May 18, 2011.

…Looking at things from an academic perspective can sometimes be good. It can help to legitimize or normalize behavior (like the recent study that showed 30% of heterosexual American couples participate in anal sex), it can bring important discussion to the forefront. However, it can also take validation away from individuals and/or groups, it can stigmatize and sometimes criminalize behaviors, it can harm certain people, and it can serve to disempower and oppress communities.

Telling someone that their identity isn’t real or doesn’t exist because it doesn’t exist in the textbook you’re currently reading, or you haven’t heard it discussed yet is showing both ignorance and privilege. Many things we take for granted today were scientifically said to be impossible or non-existent at one time. As societies change, people change, and as people change, societies change…

To read the rest of this Fearless Press Article and to check out my monthly column “Unapologetic,” check out the awesome Fearless Press site!

This post, Sometimes, Academia Doesn’t Have All the Answers, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed, ACS -- Board Certified Sexologist and Sexuality Educator on April 17, 2011.