As you may have seen from some of my reviews (or heard in some of my classes), I’m a big proponent of everyone with a vagina/hole/cunt/pussy/va-jay-jay or whatever you’d like to call it, being the proud owner of a pair of kegel exercise balls.

Why? Because unless you’re very good and regimented about sitting (or lying) around each day, squeezing your PC muscles multiple times, you probably could use a little help working out your pelvic floor muscles. Kegel balls are great for this, because they work while you move around; if you’re running errands, heading across campus, wheeling down the block, etc, the smaller balls inside the bigger balls rumble/vibrate a little, helping your body work out the muscles, even if you aren’t conscious of doing it. It’s working them out without even having to think about it.

How can they help? Strong PC muscles (aka, kegel muscles or pelvic floor muscles) can make orgasms easier to achieve, make them stronger, longer, and more intense, can help the owner of said muscles get in better touch with their own body, can make labor easier, and recovery from birth quicker, as well as prevent incontinence as you get older. See, balls can be a great thing!

Top three suggestions?

If you’re a newbie, start with the Smartballs Teneo Uno. It’s just one ball (rather than 2), so it’s an easier start, and less intimidating. As you get better and better, and stronger and stronger, you can move to the Teneo Duo.

If you’re trying to stay on the more affordable end of things, check out the Couture‘s line of kegel balls called “Couture Eclipse.”  Still body friendly, and a bit lighter on the wallet, these can be a good option.

Want something with a bit of texture to it? I’d suggest looking at Ophoria’s K-Balls Textured (although these are also available in a smooth option for those who prefer). Not everyone loves the texture, but those who do, swear by it!

As a note, remember these are NOT anus-safe, and should not be used in the back door!

-Shanna

This post, Everyone Needs Balls, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed -- Sexuality Educator on July 26, 2010.

My partner and I have come up with some good starter links for you (or your friend) to check out. If you happen to have more awesome resources for parents/family/relatives/friends/teachers/etc of trans youth, I’d love for you to post it here so we can create even more resources for our community.

-Shanna

Trans Active: http://www.transactiveonline.org/families_new.html

Parents, Family and Friends of Gays and Lesbians (also trans inclusive) http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=209

Trans Youth and Family Allies: http://www.imatyfa.org/

Colorado specific: http://www.tyes-colorado.org/index.html

News article: http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=3088298&page=1

True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism–For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals (book)

The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals (book)

Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not (book)

This post, Resouces for Families with Trans Children, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed -- Sexuality Educator on July 20, 2010.

July 15th Workshop

To all of you who are in the Denver Metro area; I invite you to my FREE workshop this Thursday at the  Fascinations in Arvada, CO, at 7pm. Again, it’s free to all who come, and every one who attends this workshop will get a $10 gift card (good in any of the stores, or online at Funlove.com , as well as food and drink, and an entry in a raffle to win gift cards and more.

We often talk about sex acts, but it’s rare that we sit down and talk about sexuality as a whole. Is it ok to masturbate in a relationship? Why exactly do we talk about “lube is love?” How do I introduce sex toys into my relationship? What if I’m not horny. All these are topics for discussion, as well as sex toy 101, info about materials, lubes and more.

Hope to see you there!

-Shanna

This post, July 15th: Free Workshop on Full Spectrum Sexuality, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed -- Sexuality Educator on July 13, 2010.

Like the majority of the other toys in this pretty new and pretty slim category, it’s 100% medical grade silicone. What does this mean? General cleaning can be done with soap and water, or if you want to share it (or use it anally, then vaginally), you can then sterilize it by dishwashing it (top shelf, no soap), boiling it 3-5 minutes or wiping it down with a 10% bleach solution. Please do keep in mind that there are crevices here, making it harder to clean. Water-based lube only!

Overall, I was pretty impressed with the Mantric Sysil Double-Dildo toy, and so we’ve produced a little video review for you to get a little more info on it, check it out visually, and see if it’s the right toy for you.

Thanks again to  Fascinations and the videographer Matt for the video review awesomeness, and for the toy.

Click here to get your own Sysil Mantric and begin the angling action!

-Essin’ Em

This post, Video Review of the Mantric Sysil Toy, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed -- Sexuality Educator on July 7, 2010.

Thanks to my lovely partner, I had the opportunity last Wednesday night to go check out the new movie with Annette Benning, Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo, entitled The Kids Are Alright.

Now, the basic plot, as advertised, is that there is a lesbian couple, who have an 18 year old daughter and a 15 year old son. The son convinces the daughter to get in contact with the sperm donor that provided said sperm to create the kids (each mom carried a child). They meet him, and now the family dynamic changes, and the movie ensues.

Voila. It’s supposed to be cool and trendy and did super well at Sundance. I had some hopes for this movie, in that it was showing an LGBTQ family as a REAL family, not as hot and sexy lesbians, or those with issues coming out, or any of the other many ways lesbians have been portayed. They have kids, they have a dining room table, and a house, and conversations and the same issues that every other type of family has with communication, and teenagers, and so on…

And now, for the spoilers. If you don’t want to hear about the actual movie, stop reading now.

Ok, so basically, you have fairly happy family. Some issues, like all families, but there are two teenagers, and two moms, and everyone seems to communicate fairly well and get along, although the moms definitely could have used a couples counselor to help them work through a feel control/free-flowing hippy issues.

Then suddenly, the sperm donor (Paul) is brought into their lives. Jules (Moore) is a more woo-woo, free flowing femme-ish type, and is open to him. Nic (Benning) is a bit more andro/butchy, and seems to be nervous (understandably) about letting this guy into their kids’ lives. Long story short, Nic starts doing Paul’s (Ruffalo) landscaping and BAM. They kiss. And if that wasn’t enough, they start having sex, and the noises she makes with him are waaaay different and seemingly “better” or “more satisfying” (according to the movie) than the sex she has with Nic. She tells him she’s married, she’s gay, she loves Nic, but then, more sex between Paul and Jules. Jules keeps it a secret from Nic until they have a family dinner at Paul’s place (Nic is willing and trying to get to know him better), and Nic goes to the bathroom and finds Jules hairbrush…and hair in the drain (like at their home), and then in his bed. The movie ends with them removing Paul from their lives and getting back together and talking about how marriage is tough, but they love each other and will work through it.

My beef? It’s two fold. First of all, this movie perpetuated lesbian stereotype right and left, from the drinking massive amounts of wine to the butch/femme to the station wagon of sorts to the watching gay-male porn, to the being woo-woo and wanting hugs in unison (you’ll have to see it to get it). It made a big deal out of Jules not shaving her legs (gasp!). And worst of all, it perpetuated the stereotype that lesbian relationships don’t work out not because of family/relationship/communication/wants and needs issues, but because truly, all every woman, lesbian or not, wants is OBVIOUSLY a man. Every woman must have a penis in order to feel fulfilled. It also perpetuates the idea that lesbian (or gay or queer) relationships are not as “real” as straight marriage; Paul seems to glaze over the fact that Jules is married to Nic, and even suggests that he and Jules start a life and family together at one point, as if her 18+ year marriage to Nic was completely invalid. Way to give the anti-gay movement fuel for their fire about how dysfunctional lesbian families are.

Issue two? The fact that I feel that this movie is going to stir up even MORE biphobia in the queer community. For some reason, we as a community tend to exclude bi folks as being queer, as if them having a relationship with a cis-man (bi women) or cis-woman (men) makes them “less” queer. Now, while Jules never openly identified as bi, her sexuality was clearly a bit more fluid that just “lesbian/gay,” as she openly enjoyed sex with Paul. So basically, we have a queer or bi acting woman on screen, cheating on her lesbian wife with a man. Which seems to be the issue that is ALWAYS brought up when biphobia rears its ugly head; don’t date bi-women, because they’ll leave you for a man.

Now, I know that this generalizing statement is bullshit. As if dating a lesbian-identified woman will somehow protect you from cheating/being cheated on. Infidelity hits ALL types of relationships, regardless of the gender or orientation of the partners. Period. However, movies like this seem to reinforce this misnomer, that bi-women of any sort will always end up going for a man. NOT FUCKING TRUE.

So in the end, I AM glad that their is a movie bringing lesbian visibility to the big screen, as I think this movie will be a hit. I did like that it was a lesbian family, with gender presentation diversity in the two women. However, I have a LOT of reservations about how the content of this movie will be used against the LGBTQ community by those who are against it, as well as the issues surrounding bisexuality that this movie may serve to worsen.

And those, dear readers, are my thoughts on the upcoming movie The Kids Are Alright, to be released July 16th at an Indie theater near you.

-Shanna

This post, Movie Review and Thoughts: The Kids Are Alright, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed -- Sexuality Educator on July 5, 2010.

This post, LGBTIQ Student with Disability needed for Panel (CO), originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed -- Sexuality Educator on July 2, 2010.

This post, Talk About Lazy Pussy…, originally appeared on Shanna Katz M.Ed -- Sexuality Educator on June 30, 2010.