Feb 122010
 

I would say that of my more “hands on” workshops, fisting is definitely the fav; it is the most requested, and almost consistantly sells out/becomes standing room only.  I’m always surprised by this, and then I realize, really, how many people get so see fisting up close and personal, in a healthy and safe environment, with good information? Not many.  And that, my friends, is why Vaginal Fisting for One and All gets people to come again and again. Not pun intended; I’ve had a lot of repeat students in my classes!

Let’s talk fisting.  One of my twitter followers oh so kindly pointed out that she’d looked for an article on fisting, or how to fist a vagina, or vaginal fisting 101 by me, and couldn’t find anything. I felt a little of a failure, and so, here it is.  While of course, coming to a class (mine or someone else’s) is obviously a more in-depth (oh, I’m so punny) experience, here are some great tips for those of you without the opportunity to experience fisting education up close and personal.

Firstly, when people think fisting, they often think of a big, angry fist, like the kind you’d punch someone with.  While some people do enjoy more aggressive fisting with a full fist, that’s not where you start off.  Make a big duck lip with your hand.  THAT is what you’re going to begin with (well, you begin with one finger, then two, and work your way up to the duck lips). Every vagina/cunt/etc is different; the direction that it will go in depends on the person. You might hold it rightside up, upside down, or even sideways or on a diagonal angle.  It’s like putting a puzzle together, except it involves a hand and a opening instead of puzzle pieces. Exploring the vagina or exploring the cunt (whatever work you prefer), is part of the fun!

The key to fisting is to go slowly, as you’ll read more about below.  Slow and steady wins the race. It might not happen the first time, second time, even the first ten times you try. That’s ok.  This is not about who get get their hand inside their partner the fastest. It’s about a really instense and immensely enjoyable experience. If it doesn’t happen at first, enjoy the journey and the experience and the exploration, and try try again, using different angles, etc.

Once inside, you can curl your duck bill into a fist. You can SLOWLY (to begin with — ask your partner if they want to speed it up) move it in and out a little, you can knock like you’re gently banging on a door, you can roll your knuckles; experiement.  Figure out what the two of you enjoy doing best, and what feels the best for your partner.

On the way out, make sure you use a finger on the other hand to break the suction that often occurs, and then take time to pull out, possibly almost as much as you did going in.  The vagina/cunt area can be sore, or at least very sensitive.  Sudden movements are usually not appreciated.

Some people prefer being fisting after they’ve already had an orgasm or two; others prefer to just go for the gold. While being fisted, some people enjoy additional stimulaton of the nipples, vulva, clit or anus, with fingers or a vibrator; many people like to pair fisting with the Hitachi. Others don’t want to be touched. Ask. Always ask. Some people can orgasm once or multiple times with a fist inside them, others can’t.  There is no “right” way to enjoy fisting.

Fisting shouldn’t hurt. There may be some pressure, the feeling of being stretched, etc, but there should not be pain. If that is the case, slow down, add lube, ask your partner if they want you to back down a finger or two, etc.  Let the person being fisted (the “fistee”) make these decisions. It is their body that they’re dealing with here.

If done with patience, lube, an open mind and communication, fisting can be an absolutely amazing/intense/fun/enjoyable/spiritual/out of body/ridiculously awesome/etc experience. It’s not angry, aggressive, violent, etc (unless coupled with other types of sex play). It should be enjoyed.  Again, it’s not the holy grail of sex, but just one more amazing aspect that can be explored.

There are four ground rules:

Rule 1: Patience

Almost everyone with a vagina/cunt/front hole/whatever term your prefer *can* be fisted. However, not every vagina can be fisted by every hand, and not every vagina can be fisted right away. Sometimes, a hand is just too big, and no matter how much lube, relaxation, laughter, trust, patience, time, fun, etc there is, it’s not going to happen.

That said, most people *can* make it work with their chosen partner. This doesn’t mean that it’ll happen overnight. Sometimes it will. Sometimes it can take a few tries. And sometimes, this is a months long endeavor. All of these options are perfectly normal; human bodies are obviously very different, and so is our ability to be fisted.  So don’t try to hurry it, to force it, anything like that.

Rule 2: It’s a journey, not a goal

Your body knows what is up; it’s usually somehow connected to your brain.  So when you think “ok, I HAVE to have that whole hand in here tonight, no matter what,” your vagina might be like “Um, ‘scuse me, but HELLLL NO.”  The more pressure you place on yourself to have a sexual goal (orgasm, ejaculation, fisting, etc), often times the more it stresses you out, begins to shut your body down, and make it impossible. Fisting IS super fun, but it should be one of those things that is fabulous if/when it does happen, but is not the end all, be all of sex.  Have fun getting two fingers in, fucking with three, exploring with four.  A whole hand is cool, but it’s not everything. Enjoy exploring each other, and if fisting happens, then great.

Rule 3: Lube

People always laugh when I say this, but I’m dead serious.  Some people produce a lot of natural lube, some people don’t (for various reasons; allergy meds, hormonal birth control, stress, etc). Natural lubrication is NOT an indication of turned on someone is. If you really want to know if they’re excited, and their sounds and actions don’t help you know, ASK THEM. Don’t use lube as a barometer.

That said, fisting requires lube. Natural lube is great, but over time, people tend to run out, dry up a little, your hand (if you’re not wearing a glove) absorbs a lot of the lube, it gets sticky, there isn’t as much as you’d like.  And so on.  So get some. Both water based and silicone based lube are great for fisting; usually, the thicker, the better. I personally love Maximus, which is a gel-like water based, glycerin free lube in an easy access pump bottle. Sliquid Organics is a great all natural lube, and Bodyglide is my favorite silicone lube.

Make sure it’s easy access, because you only have one free hand. Pump tops are great, other wise, remove the top before you begin. Make sure you have lube all the way around your hand, and keep adding as needed. If water-based lube dries out, just add water (spit, squirt gun, spray bottle, etc) to reactivate it. If you still need more lube, add more. It is very difficult to have TOO much lubrication during fisting.

As a side note, using latex or nitrile gloves during fisting can make it an even better experience. You don’t have to worry about rough skin or hang nails hurting the fistee, and the fister’s hand won’t get all prune-y.  Also, gloves don’t absorb lube, so a little bit will go a longer way. And of course, gloves are great for having safer sex, so you aren’t worrying about the transfer of any fluids.

Rule 4: Communicate

You HAVE to communicate, especially the first couple of times you do this. This is NOT the time to try out the new ball gag and bondage. Communitate.  Talk, feel, touch. However you and your partner communicate, make sure you do it.  Have the fistee let the fister know how things are going, whether they need more time/stimulation/lube before moving to the next level, or whether they want the fister to go all the way. Make sure the fister communicates whether they’re getting a hand cramp, getting tired, need a drink of water, etc. You think I’m joking, but when you’re trying to stick a whole hand into a relatively small hole, communicating is really really important.

Once you get towards the very end, when it’s almost all the way in, many fisters like to check in with the fistee, asking them whether they should push their whole hand in past that stubborn area, or whether the fistee wants to ease themself down onto the fisters hand. It can go either way, but make sure both of you know which it’s going to be; other wise, it can be a bit awkward.

Fisting Q and A (questions I’ve actually been asked at workshops):

Q: Will fisting ruin me for “normal” sex?

A: NO! Of course not.  Just because you’ve been fisted doesn’t mean now you can ONLY be fisted and won’t enjoy other types of sexual activity. People who have been fisting can and do enjoy oral sex, anal sex, oral-anal sex, cocks, dicks, dildos, fingers, vibrators, butt blugs, shower heads, hot tubs and more.  In fact, even if you fist on a regular basis, and then take some time (a month +) off of fisting, you may have to start up all slowly again.  The body is an amazing thing, and vaginas/cunts are very elastic. They go right back to where they were.

Q: Can I be fisted if I’ve given birth?

A: Yes! You might even have an easier time of it.

Q: Isn’t fisting just for gay men?

A: I love fisting, and I’m not a gay man. Seriously though, everyone can enjoy some kind of fisting if they’re interested.

Q: What about PC muscles/kegel exercises?

A: Having strong PC muscles can help with strong, longer and more frequent orgasms, and have help with ejaculation/squirting/gushing in some people. If you’re being fisting and do some kegels, the fister can definitely feel it around their hand, which feels cool, and the fistee might experience some more intense sensations.

Q: Can you double fist someone with two hands?

A: If both they and their body is up for it, certainly! It can be lots of fun, either with two hands from the same person, or a hand each from different people.

Q: Can someone be anally penetrated at the same time they’re being fisted in the vagina/cunt?

A: Yes, just a) make sure there is lots of lube, and b) be careful.  That wall of skin between the vagina and anus is strong but a bit delicate; too much aggressive play on both sides at the same time could cause tears and soreness.

Q: Can I be fisted after a hysterctomy?

A: Check with your doctor, but in most cases, after you are healed, yes. I’ve talk to people at my workshops who have had (or whose partners have had) hysterectomies.  Some have had not problem with it (and have found it easier with more space), and others have found that it becomes more difficult. Again, always check with your doctor, whether it’s new rope ties on someone with arthritis, breath play with someone with asthma, or putting a fist in someone what has surgery.

Q: I have a catherter — can I be fisted?

A: Check with your doctor. In most cases, yes, but it’s very important to check with your doctor before doing so (see above). The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has a list of kink friendly professionals, and FetLife has many good referrals to kink friendly professionals as well.

Q: Do you have a book about fisting?

A: Not yet, but I’d love to write one. In the mean time, there is a great book called Hand in the Bush; The Art of Vaginal Fisting by Deborah Addington.

Questions you’d like to have answered? Leave a comment!

  24 Responses to “Vaginal Fisting Basics”

  1. It’s a journey not a goal…. but.. but… it’s my New Years Resolution!!! We’ve tried and we are getting closer. And yes, we are taking it slow. I am not a quitter- I will make you proud!!!

  2. I , and my partner, Terri, have been fisting for a short time but she has involuntarily moved her bowels and bladder… is this normal? doc

  3. love being fisted. i will at times tell my lover to either fist me or fuck me. really good post on fisting.

  4. BBG – I’m glad. Keep me updated.

    Doc – I’ve not experienced that, but it could be that she’s getting nervous. Maybe have her hit the restroom before you begin?

    Jam – Thanks!

  5. My fiancee and I have been trying fisting (haven’t quite got it yet, but enjoying the journey), but I’m supposed to be getting an IUD put in this month. I had one done last month, and it fell out, so this is round two with it, but the fact that it fell out has made me nervous. I had wondered before if I would be able to get fisted with an IUD, but now I’m even more nervous about it since its fallen out once already (no, we didn’t do any fisting activities in the week that I had it in…ugh, most expensive week of birth control ever right?). Do you have an insight on fisting with an IUD? Or a reference to someone who might? Its not something I’d prefer to ask my gyno about…Thanks for your help!

  6. Many woman can be fisted with IUDs in — as long as you’re careful about about knowing where the strings are and not pulling them out, it shouldn’t be a problem. IUDs go into the cervix through an opening called the Os. Fisting doesn’t affect the cervix or the os, so it sounds to me like there is something else going on with the os, allowing the IUD to fall out, that has nothing to do with fisting, which may stretch the vaginal walls a bit, but shouldn’t have any impact on the cervix itself. Best of luck!

  7. Hand cramps can be painful if you are abusing your hand too much. Take regular breaks and rest. `

  8. My partner and I have just decided to try fisting…I am a little worried about this…He however does have a very large penis both in length and width which I can take without pain or discomfort. He always takes his time when entering me whether in the vagina or my ass. Do you have any suggestions for trying this the first time other than what I read which by the way was very informative.

  9. Lisa – Time is a big thing, as well as you feeling relaxed and using lots of lube. You can also play with yourself with big toys, to help get your vagina used to it. Otherwise, use the above tips, and make sure to communicate!

  10. Sinds a couple of months we’re into fisting. I love it! My hubby has big hands, but I have patience. I’m concerned that I cum very quick when I feel really full (what I really love!!!!!!) but I also want, need, desire his whole hand into my vagina. Do you have a tip for me, besides a lot of patience?

  11. My boyfriend and I spent a lot of time talking about fisiting. It was something he has always been interested and I myself was appalled by it. I never said no but I kept talking to him about it trying to understand why he was so interested. He was always telling me how “tight” I am and how good it feels and I was terrified that it wouldn’t be the same after. With that being said I am a mother. I vaginally delivered my daughter (7yrs ago). I couldn’t understand why if he loved how tight I was that he would want to stretch it out.
    I think of myself as a pretty opened minded person sexually and I’ve always said there’s not a whole lot that I would say no to trying at least. After all how can you say you don’t like it if you’ve never tried it right? But obviously I had serious reservations about my vagina post fisting. He and I are in a long distance relationship so there were long periods of no action between visits. However when I decided I was going to try this we started with adding fingers. To my surprise never having even liked my previous partners to use more than one finger, I thoroughly enjoyed working my way up to four during our first go at it. A month later he came down for a visit again and he attempted to add the fifth finger. It got really uncomfortable and he barely was able to get to the knuckle with five. I asked him to stop and suggested we try again another time and use way more lube. Two months later he was back down for another visit. I had been using four fingers on myself since discovering just how enjoyable it is and I felt as though this helped. We started again adding fingers and this time when he got to five I asked him to go slow and I took a deep breath. When it got really intense it felt Luke a crazy amount of pressure but not pain. I was overwhelmed and I just started pleading “don’t move don’t move”, over and over again. He laid closer to my body and whispered in my ear its ok babe I’m not moving tell me when you are ready. And we did this probably around three or four times before his hand finally slipt inside all the way. Once he was inside there was a huge relief and felt like I could breathe with ease again. He couldn’t move much because it was so intense for me but he wiggles his fingers around and I climaxed with no warning.
    We both loves it and decided we are going to keep exploring this but I do have some questions.

    We were both a little surprised that his hand was so easily able to slip in. Yes I had him stop when the stretching sensation was overwhelming but he simply stayed put he didn’t move his hand back out. He was wondering if its normal that he didn’t have to force or push his hand in hard? Or I guess are we just lucky?

    My question is, I am a squirter. But I’ve never involuntarily squirted. I’ve always known from the build up that it was coming. Not only did it come out of no where but I’ve never made that big of a mess. It seemed to just not stop gushing. Can you explain to me why or how that could happen? Just curious…my boyfriend and I both loved the results but I’m a curious George I guess.

    Thanks for the article it was very helpful.

  12. My wife and I are just getting into fisting and the information here is going to make it so much more enjoyable. Thanks for the information. We’ll update as we progress to hopefully benefit others.

  13. Fisting is super erotic for me and actually made my vagina tighter! I think of it as a vaginal reset which was a total surprise. My ex husband was sure that fisting would ruin me for any man that came after him lol his loss cause I’m tighter than I have been in ten years and I have a better understanding of my kinky side ;)

  14. Love fisting, but my new lover is just not very erotic or kinky and he doesn’t seem to get the concept!! When he gets to the point of immense pressure, he backs out and almost stabs and jabs with his 4 fingers… At the point that he’s to his knuckles and whole hand sliding in, he just backs out and it’s a huge turn off to me… How can I make him understand to maintain slow, consistent pressure to slide all the way in? Should I just try to slide myself onto his hand?? I get really frustrated.

  15. Me and my wonderful girlfriend enjoy the pleasures of me fisting her. To be completely honest i think i get more aroused than she does. We have only done it a couple times but she has really has to come to enjoy it now that she is comfortable doing it. But i dont know what it is but i swear im going to ejaculateon my own when im fist full inside her.

  16. Is fisting during pregnancy safe?

  17. So, my husband and I have started the process of fisting and stretching.
    My recovery time is normally about a 3-7 days depending on the intestisty of the session.
    I (normally)wait until about 3 days after to start doing kegels.
    Lately, it’s been pretty painful. ( no blood or anything) even though we haven’t changed our routine or anything. I was wondering if there is a suggested time frame for how long one should wait after a session before they start their kegel excerises? Annnnd how many should be done?
    Before I started fisting I was doing 350 a day. Now I can only do about 50-100 before it really starts to hurt.
    What should I be doing/ not doing?

  18. If violent fisting leads to bleading. Can this affect a lady getting pregnant?

  19. If violently fisted until bleeding can this affect a woman getting pregnant

  20. .. my boyfriend tried to fist me and it hurt so bad then my vagina looks like it’s split open more closer to my snap hole.Is that normal will it grow back, he says it’s just swollen but I think it’s split open.

  21. My wife and I have been doing this for a while now, recently I’ve started to feel some pain in my cervix area, is this normal? Should I see a doctor? I’ve never had a problem in that area, it’s a dull pain but I’m still worried. It feels very swollen like but on the inside.

  22. very fckn sick people , mad monkeys

  23. my wife has had me fist her regularly for several years now. we had been trying for quite awhile before without success, what made it happen was using 1 of the latex madonna hands in her, it was a bit smaller than my hand , but big enough that once slide right up her loverly cunt, she had no apprehensions about the next size up ( my right hand ) stretching her loverly cunt to the next level. & and when she cums ( & cums & cums & cums ) with her labia around my wrist , how tight she can squeeze on my wrist .HAPPY CUNT STRETCHING ALL

  24. Slow and gentle is key. And not focus on getting the whole hand in–just focus on her being pleasantly full. Start with 2 fingers, then the next time 3. When she can fit 3 easily, try slipping in #4…if that works it’s great ’cause you can now go all the way to the thumb. And maybe that’s all she’ll ever fit.

    That was the case for me and my ex, we never got my whole hand in, but we sure had an insane amount of fun trying. I’d be filling her to the max with all my fingers pushing up to the knuckles while she worked her clit furiously, and she’d explode into the most intense orgasms I’ve ever seen. Way more intense than I’ve ever had.

    Once she can open up that well, you can do other cool stuff like:
    -she slips her hand inside herself, then you put your cock in. Now she can squeeze and play with it, and rub it against her walls, INSIDE herself. Really close and erotic.
    -put your 4 fingers in, up to the thumb, then have her put her hand inside as well. Now your fingers can intertwine and you’re kind of holding hands. I remember one time we did this in the afternoon, lying next to each other looking into each other’s eyes, while both caressing the inside of her vagina and each other’s fingers. I think that was the most emotionally intense experience of my life.

    As far as her not being as tight anymore: well, no she won’t be, although the difference isn’t that much. But the insane amount of fun is totally worth it. I was always amazed at how something that looked so petite before sex could open up so wide…and that’s part of the turn-on. And, you can compensate for it: *lift her legs up and over her head, so you’re coming in at an angle–feels just as tight again *put something inside, like an inflatable ball you use just for that purpose–suddenly she’s *very* tight. *ever given any thought to trying the back door? We did, and it’s the only thing that can possibly compete for the fun factor.

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